Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[LoginName]

I feel it's over this morning. How can this possibly work out. She isn't coming any closer to me. Why would she? She doesn't love me.

She made mistakes too. This marriage isn't dead just because of what I did wrong. She stopped trying a long time ago. Why do I even want to be married to her? She didn't give me what I needed. I was constantly putting my own happiness aside to try to give her what she wanted. You can't do that. If they aren't satisfied, they won't be.

If we could end it now. If I could keep my daughter here with me. If I could just move on with my life, maybe, after some time, find someone who I could love and who could love me.

My daughter. I still think it's best, even though it hurts so much, to let her go with my wife. She'll still be my daughter. She'll still love me, and I'll still love her. But I hate to let her go. I know my wife will be a good mother for her.

I'll ask for and demand lots of time with her. Maybe every summer, all summer. Whatever, we, and the lawyers, can work it out.

Some have faced much worse than me, much harder situations. Some of those have ended well, with the marriage better than before. But I don't see any hope right now, at least not much.

If she doesn't love me, let me go. (or I'll reach my limit and go).

I want my M, I want my W, I'm not ready to give up - yet. If she has made up her mind, I wish she would tell me.

The rationsal part of my brain keeps objecting to this line of thought. It says she hasn't asked for a divorce, she calls you and returns your calls, that there are many LITTLE signs, and that mainly, I need to give this time. But I don't want to listen to rationality now. I'm hurting. I'm allowed to cry sometimes. The pain and anxiety builds up, and it's got to be released sometimes.