You said you were going to call. Didn't get your call.
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If My W does not respect me. Thinks I am a wimp, fool, stupid, ECT...
And she tell me not to contact the OM. and I don't
And I know discussing the OM is NOT DBing
BUT…………..How can I gain respect, not be a wimp, fool, stupid. ?
Good question.
In my case the OM was my best friend. At the time it was an EA. So I spoke with him 3X about it and asked him to break off contact with my family for the sake of my marriage. He said he would, but he lied to my face. I found out later they had moved into a PA after I talked to him.
So talking to him will do nothing. Asking him or telling him to stop is pointless.
On the other hand, do you want to threaten him? Tell him to stop...or else. Or else what? Or else you will tell his wife? Or else you will come over and break his kneecaps? Don't threaten unless you are prepared to follow up on it.
Confronting the OM doesn't work unless you are prepared to directly threaten him and you must be ready to carry out the threat.
And...how will you know that he is ending the relationship with your wife? Will they just go farther underground?
And if he does end it because you threatened him, will that make your wife want to jumnp your bones? Probably not. She'll hate you for ruining the relationship with her "soul mate".
In general "confronting" the OM is viewed by our wives as weakness. It shows we are afraid of them and are threatened by their relationship. It doesn't make you look "manly" in her eyes.
You establish respect by being respectable. By living your call to adventure. By being passionate and clear about your mission in life. You set personal boundaries (whatever they are for you)and enforce them. I suggest the e-book by Cunningham at http://www.makingherhappy.com, it's all about being an "alpha male" and establishing respect/attraction.
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And don't give me that turn the other cheek stuff. If someone attacked your family would you not want to "talk" to that person? Or would you "turn the other cheek"
Turn the other cheek? Hmmmm. Turn the other cheek means not to return evil for evil. You are not having a revenge affair and you are not haming his family, or trying to seduce his wife. So, in a sense you are turning the other cheek.
Exposing the affair is a matter of truth-telling. His wife, ultimately has the right to know. RIght now, it may not be in your best interest to expose it.
Let's look at your options. You know your wife's and the OM's dirty little secret. This gives you tremendous power. You can tell his wife. Unfortunately, it's like a nuclear bomb -- if you use it, everyhing might get blown to bits. What if his wife leaves him? Then he might come after your wife. Or you succeed in breaking your wife and OM apart, but you also detroy your marriage and his marriage, too. Who knows?
If you choose to expose the affair: to OM's wife, to your wife's family, etc. you must be emotionally ready for the sh*tstorm to hit. It might work out in your favor, or it might not. You need to be in a place where you are TRULY detached and you don't care what happens anymore.
