T - Great analogy thnx. Like everyone keeps telling us just give it time and space. We have no control or say over it so whats the point? I too have not had any luck with the R talk. The saying about not believeing 100% of what they say and 50% of action goes both ways. When we do talk about the R. which we have only done 4 times over the last 5 months all I focus on now is validating everything she says. At first I tried to defend myself but then I realized I was just retaking control of the conversation. Which is the opp. of my 180 on control Last week I just told her that like I now use as my mantra "You do whatever you need to do. Do whatever is going to make you happy." As hard as that is they are going to do that anyway. Especially now since they are in so much pain. All we can do is Listen, Mirror, Validate, and Empathize. Going back to our R talk last week. The WAW said something like "I just cant understand how you can tell someone that you love them with so much hate in your eyes". In retrospect, instead of just validating with "wow that must have been very difficult for you. I can understand why you felt that way". I instead replied "why did you think that? I never hated you for a second." Wham! took back control and did not validate how she felt. Stupid Stupid Stupid!!! But, at least now I am ready for the next opportunity. Like everyone says. Part of Dbing is figuring out what works and what doesnt.
Last week I just told her that like I now use as my mantra 