Thanks guys. I wrote a letter last night. THen woke up this morning to find $1,000 fraud on my checking account. Right before vacation. Lovely. Got that taken care of. No wi have to do all those fraud papers. I'm gonna start paying with cash- screw those visa commercials.
Now off to the gym. Still deciding on whether to send the letter. Although I slept better last night than I have in a while.
Here's what I wrote. Feel free to give comments.
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We’ve been through a lot these past two years, some ups, some downs. As we hit the two year mark, I really started to think. To think about me, where I started, where I’ve come, how much I’ve changed and mostly what I want out of life in the future.
The one thing I’ve realized is that I have changed. I’ve changed how I behave, how I think and mostly what I think about myself. In the past I would have kept my feelings bottled up, “sucked it up” and push it aside; hoping things would change and accepting the blame for them not. I’m not willing to do that anymore. Last week when you joked about going to see Harry Potter with the kids without me and I’d “never know” you hurt me. You were being an ass. Last night when you told me who dies in the last book, you were being an ass. When you walk right by me and don’t say good-bye, you’re being an ass. That’s not the kind of person I want to spend time with. That’s not the kind of person I want to be with. That’s not behavior I find endearing or even cute. I get to choose who I want to be around, who I want to be friends with and who I can have fun with. I didn’t realize this until lately. It took me a while to see that I deserve more out of my life. I realized that I am the only one who can give me this. I’ve changed and I’m not going to keep repeating the same old mistakes of the past. I can’t keep forgiving and “forgetting”, hoping that if I wait just a bit longer, you’ll change your behavior too. I can’t keep waiting for you to make a decision only to be continually hurt. It’s the same vicious cycle that got us where we are today and I can’t be happy that way.
You seem to be very satisfied with the way things are now. I’m not. I’m not happy. I feel empty and alone. I can’t really talk to you or share things with you. You’re no longer the one I call on for help or the first to hear good news. It’s just going through the motions and that’s not fair to either one of us; or the kids.
This weekend the kids and I leave for a week. I need that time away to sort things out. Please don’t call me while I’m away, I won’t answer. You can call the kids on their phones or my parent’s phones. We can talk if you’d like when I return.
