NikkiB #18

[NikB]

Thanks all for posting, I appreciate it! Feeling a little bit stronger today. I'm not sure why, but I'll take it. I was really in an ick mood the last few days, kinda between wallowing and angry... not so attractive. I finally slept a full 8 hours last night, that probably has a lot to do with it.

I'm a little bummed about the MC - she has no evening appointments at all. I can get off of work a little early and hit her late afternoon ones, but H can't (or maybe is too afraid work will ask him where he's going, he's kinda embarassed on the whole C thing). She offered to discuss our history with someone else (with our permission) and refer us to them, so we'll see. Need to talk to H and see what will work. We both liked her so much, but I'm sure there are other good MCs out there too.

Planning to call the L back at lunch. ST and Ellie, thanks for the legal info. I think the property side of it's fairly straightforward. I was worried about the house since we bought it before we were married - but we'd been living together for 2 years or so and had both been contributing financially to the household then, too. I can see areas where he'd put up a fight or get pissed off but I think legally speaking it would be pretty basic. The bigger worry is making sure I don't make any mistakes now that could cause problems. (i.e. rights/ responsibilities if I move out for awhile)

ST
That's so true on the "hidden meaning" thing. I actually was thinking about that in general as something to discuss in MC. He's still expecting me to do a LOT of mind-reading and I just can't do it. I need him to ask for what he wants/needs, not be all mysterious about it and get upset when I guess wrong. And I know I need to work on the same thing with him.

I didn't say anything about his outfit washing the car. Actually have kind of backed off those type of compliments because they seemed to be getting a negative reaction more often than not. Not sure what that's about, but decided to put it in the "not working" category for now.

Ellie
Thanks again for the legal info. haha oh if I get to count loads of laundry, I'm set for life. I would honestly probably feel funny about pursuing alimony anyway, but just wanted to know the legal side. I am very prone to the guilt thing, and could easily see myself giving up a lot out of guilt. If it went that way I think I'd use a L instead of a mediator, to avoid letting myself get walked on (I'm working on it, but really bad about that).

He should have been able to see my friends in the car I think as he was close enough, but the windows were tinted so who knows.. maybe he was thinking that.

JDK
Thanks! Yeah, definitely trying to make it what works best for me.

For now what I've really tried is just backing WAY off. No pursuing, no pressure.. and GAL and just not be around as much, too. I've also decided to STOP walking on eggshells and trying to be perfect all the time. I can't do it, no one can, and it wasn't working for me anyway. That doesn't mean I'm giving up on improving me, not at all, but I'm letting go of the feeling that I have to do everything perfectly "or else." 8 months ago if I went out to dinner and left the laundry unfolded I'd have been panicky about it.. OMG what if H sees the laundry wasn't put away right away, perfect wives should do that... etc. I know it's silly but it was all part of the post-bomb hysteria, and I carried it with me way too long.

Thanks for the offer to email, I'll keep that in mind. Same always goes for you, too!

Funny thing, a few of you have posted comments on my myspace site and H keeps asking me about them.

ST you'll like this - he said "Wow she's really pretty, is she one of your friends? Why haven't I met her?" (yes he said you were "really pretty!" )

JDK - "Hey who's this guy? Have you gone riding with him or something?"

Kind of funny. I always just say "Friends I met online." Or "Friends from that support website I mentioned."