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when I was talking to a professional councellor, he said that you have to be really careful about "move back in" rules, after separation. he said you have to get them to agree to commit to working on things before moving back in. Otherwise they tend to bounce out again, just like what happened to you

Yeah, I have learned that. It was right in the beginning and it all happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on.

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I've been cycling on, "why the heck am I trying to reconcile with this miserably selfish woman, when there are others out there who actually understand the meaning of words like faithfulness, honesty, and commitment?"

Well, has she always been selfish? There must have been some reason why you wanted to marry her? Is this really the person you married? I suspect not. Some days, I just want to look H straight in the eyes and calmly say, "what happened to you? you used to be so caring and giving and trustworthy...and morally respected". I don't want to come off to harsh here...we all make mistakes and I am no angel. I just feel we should try to make right what we have done wrong. My H has no interest in that...he feels he IS doing right because what he is doing is for himself. His favorite thing to say to me when he left was, "it's about time I think about me for once"...ha! give me a break! At the time, it was something that made me feel guilty...if he ever said that to me now, I would say, "get over yourself!!!"

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Been scanning through online dating sites, as a bit of an ego booster, to see how many "good women" there are out there for me.
There are actually quite a few. Within 10 miles of me, even. Some of them, I think I would be very attracted to, if I ever met them in real life. Which, unfortunately, both makes me feel good, but also makes it much more difficult to "stand" for this ungrateful, selfish, lying woman.

I would be very careful about this. Sure, we all need a nice ego booster now and then, but I don't think we LBS are ready for a R yet. I think it takes years to feel good in your own skin again before really being in a good, HEALTHY R again. A lot of my friends want to "hook me up" with guys or see how things are going in that department. Quite honestly, I am not interested right now. This doesn't mean I'm just sitting back and waiting for H, it just means, I am trying to use this time to learn all I can about myself and what I want and need in life to make me happy. I like to go out, I like to meet guys, but I have no expectations of meeting Mr. Right or starting a R.

There are many times that this journey we are all on sux, but there are times that I feel really good about myself as a parent, a career woman and just a good person...I'm not ready to give that to someone yet ;\) In fact, I am still learning how to feel good about who I am and not allowing myself to give that up for anyone else or let anyone take it away from me. I need to feel more secure about myself I guess.

I don't think there's anyone on these boards who hasn't felt insecure. We have to make sure that those feelings have been rebuilt to be more confident before we get into something else with another person or even our WAS.
UB