Okay, okay. I started posting the other day, but got distracted and you know how it goes.
I wanted to ask H about OW last night. And I didn't. I know he's in contact. I want to believe it's casual--work related. Any way I slice it, there's nothing I can do about it and it's not worth fussing over at this point.
Hmmm, let's see what we've got going on here.
Positives:
-H is using his "nice" pet names for me all the time. -H says ILY often -When H gets annoyed with me (not often), I don't fret and stew over it...just say my piece and let it go -H goes to bed at the same time as me 5 nights a week -H invited me to go see a movie this past weekend -I feel peace in our home...life feels normal again
Aud, I know how you feel. I still have not gained my trust back, after more than 2 years in piecing. I hope it'll come back quicker for you, but it all depends on our H's commitment and actions. I am also at a low point right now, for some reason. Not sure how to proceed, but will take a bit of time to think.
Maybe we should just get out of the house, and do something, 'eh!? Well, me anyway.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think I'd be fine, but I spent the morning at the T. I felt good about how things are progressing, but sad that H wasn't there with me...and won't for a long time, and that throws me a little even though I've been going by myself for quite awhile now.
Time to clear the cobwebs. I'm taking my D5 school shopping for a Kindergarten outfit this afternoon. Where are you going?
So after a quick exchange with H last night, I think I'm still not understanding/implementing something he brings up a lot: "Why do you always assume the worst?"
I've put a bit of thought to it, and what I've come up with is two-fold (at least).
1-I see myself as a positive person. I'm very goal-oriented. My brain is engineered to think big picture, future, master life plan, etc...prepare for all possibilities, you know? I like to work towards goals, and I don't like the thought of being blindsided by something horrible I never expected.
2-Up until one/two years ago, I didn't assume the worst about H. I really didn't. I thought I knew him, thought we were on the same page, happy with our life. I was the person standing up for him when my friends asked questions about his behavior and shook their heads with worry. So having gone through this whole sitch, it's just a little hard to turn off the reality of his betrayal and go back to just assuming every red-flag is harmless, believing everything he says.
Getting these thoughts down on-screen, I realize this is the crux of my trust issue. I don't want to be always jumping to the worst scenario. I want to be light and fun and loving and supportive, expecting the best.
My gut tells me I need to work on my communication skills and learn to get the info I need without projecting my fears/assumptions into my questioning. Simple, right? Ha.
Does anyone have ideas how to reconcile this? How can I become the person who has low expectations, chooses not to over-analyze and worry about every little thing, without being a complete and total fool stepping out in front of a garbage truck?
Not sure if I'm the person to help you with this. My S also doesn't understand why standards should apply to her, D16 yes, S14 yes, H yes but W no. Go figure. Yes living up to standards takes work and somehow W feels she can pull things out without them.
The analogy of the canoe rings true right now. When you get in a canoe there are a few things you must do. Decide you are going to get in, quickly and don't stop. You must step right in the middle, reach for the rails for support, follow quickly with your other foot, then sit down and in promptly. Pretty much anything else will put you in the water and you will fail. Sounds like it should be the rule of marriage also.
I think our spouse are still trying to "slow play" into the canoe of marriage.
