Been busy these past few days! I took yesterday off work and hung out w/my kids. Took them to the pool and out to lunch.
Boys spent the night w/a friend and D8 and I hung out last night. She wanted to go to the fair (ick!) and so I took her. I knew H would be there for work (they have a booth) so she called to tell him we were coming. When we got there, there was a Karoake contest in the middle and they were dancing to Macarena (sp?). Well, H was right in the middle w/the young people dancing. This is so typical, something he always has done....being in the center of attention.
I ignored him. Talked to others and looked around while D8 watched him and loved it. He came over afterwards and said "boy it's hot". I just smiled. He talked to D8 and than I said "Ok D8, let's go ride the rides."
We walked around and then she ran over again to tell him goodbye. I didn't go over. And when he was leaving, she ran over again and kissed and hugged him. I walked over and said goodbye. He told me that there is a bachelor party for a co-worker tonight (he has the weekend off) that he may go to if he isn't too tired and that he is playing in a charity golf outing on Sunday. Really, I don't care. BUT, he has had the BALLS to call and leave yucky message about forgetting that kids had a dad and accused me of keeping them from him. But when he has a weekend off, he chooses to not spend it all w/them. I know he's crazy. I know it is not rational. I know. I am just irritated about the whole thing.
THAN....I was waiting for D8 to get off a ride when OW's sister (we used to be pretty good friends) came over to me. I've seen her a few times and did the "hi", but never talked. Well, we did and here it is:
Her: I'm sorry. For everything that's happened. I just want you to know that we all hate it as much as your family does. I hate it for you and your kids.
Me: Thank you for saying that. BUT, it is not yours to be sorry for. I do not hold you accountable at all.
Her: I know, but I'm still sorry. OW is 25 yrs old. She's been a mommy since she was 16 and has been so good and faithful and read the Bible everyday. She flipped. She's put her kids on the back burner to "live". I want to just strangle her. I've told her that she needs to straighten up and stay out of bars etc.
Me: I pray for her b/c I know she is a mess and those kids are hurting. How are they doing?
Her: They are very angry (they're 8 and 4). I prayed for her marriage and wanted so badly for her to try and work on it.
Me: I wish things had not happened this way, but the reality is it's been good for me. I have grown a lot and become the person God intended me to be. I hope OW can find some peace. I also pray that H will figure himself out and find peace too. I am moving forward w/my life.
Her: You want to fix him and make him better, don't you? I think OW is starting to come around. She is seeing what she's done.
Me: Good. She needs to be better. I've fixed H our entire life together and I cannot do it anymore.
Than we hugged and she said she loved me and I said the same and to talk to me whenever possible!
I feel very good. I often wondered what her family was thinking. Of course, everyone always acted like nothing was happening. It made me realize that her family wasn't supporting her in her actions.
Also, it convinced me more than ever that he is telling the truth about not having anything to do with her. Sister felt comfortable talking about it b/c it was a "past" issue.
Now, I don't know. I've been so detached and distant from H and even a little cold, I guess. I'm trying to decide if I should make more of an effort to be closer to him. I'm scared and don't want to be hurt again.
Sorry for the long post. I couldn't wait to get on and "see" everyone after a day off! Hope everyone is doing good
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
Wow BamBam - I am also so impressed with how you handle some of these "sticky" situations. You handled the OW's sister with honesty and without anger...it was perfect.
I can completely relate to what you H is doing with the kids. My XH still pulls some of the same garbage. IMO, he is just trying to make you out to be the bad guy when it is convienient for him because it helps him handle his guilt. We all know that if he wanted to be with the kids, he could and would be. Seems like he is in the crazy/selfish phase of this so, maybe it isn't a good time yet for you to try to reach out to him...or if you do, do it with ZERO expectations (I know, easier said than done).
Keep up the good work and let H spin like a top. He'll eventually realize what he's done.
I'm struggling so much here, though. H called me this AM b/c S11 got hurt at baseball practice and he was taking him to ER for x-ray. (he got hit on wrist w/pitch).
I met them at hospital and we barely spoke. I have nothing to say really. When we were leaving, he was taking boys w/him and I just walked to the Jeep and said "Ok, see ya later".
I don't know what's wrong w/me. I just have no desire to try. Even when he is kind, I don't feel it. Not hate...just nothing.
I'm scared of that. I think b/c what if that's not what I feel a month from now? But, it's so hard for me to even be chitty chatty w/him right now b/c I don't want to. Will that make any chance of reconciliation in the future slim b/c I am not really trying right now?
I don't know. I just want to be left alone, I guess.
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
First....is your son ok? Any fractures, broken bones??
I think your scared to show your feelings as they might get trampled on?? How does your H react? Does he seem at all curious about what you do or why your indifferent with him? Is he showing any signs of life?
It's weird the phases we the LBS goes through. Oneday we can't live without them.....the next day it's like BYE have a good life!....
The question is: Do you want to reconcile? If so, don't become to distant with him....
More importantly, don't close your emotions & feelings off to much, it will only jade you in the future.
I read your posts...and I can't help but notice that you really like your independance. That is a wonderful thing. It gives you the opportunity to be yourself, to find yourself, to choose which way you want to go.
Give yourself some time to figure out what you want with the rest of your life. You have your new house & school all starting at the same time.....focus on that and you, then see what happens next.
Thinking of you
Jeanette
PS....Kudos on yesterday!! You are so much better than they are. It's hard to take the hi road sometimes....I've wanted to jump down the low road and get all muddy, but have refrained so many times. But it does make you feel better inside when you travvel first class
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I've been so detached and distant from H and even a little cold, I guess. I'm trying to decide if I should make more of an effort to be closer to him. I'm scared and don't want to be hurt again.
Seems to me that what you have been doing is successful for you. Look, you see OW's sister and then you let your mind start to spin. You are starting to question yourself. Your plan for moving forward is so solid. Stick with it. Seems to me that you are available when necessary. It seems like you are civil in your interactions with your H. Stop thinking.
bam, what I am saying is the way you have been going about things has been impressive. He should be begging to be with you. Your actions speak so much louder than anything you could say or do.
