Like you, I still have a hard time imagining my life without my W in it. Theoretically, I know that time will smooth out those feelings, life will continue, and, unless she turns around, I'll eventually meet someone else. For me, the first step was really understanding that those things will happen. I tried to remember hurts/disappointments from the past. You can still imagine/remember the sharp initial pain, but you also feel now only a vague sense of regret/disappointment/whatever. That gave me a sense of peace and knowing that time really does heal all [well, most] wounds.
Really feeling that was my first step. After that, I started looking at what makes me happy and started focusing on that. In a wierd way, once I finally understand how responsible I was for where we were in the R, and could really understand how I had made my W feel, I stopped blaming her and holding on to her and started really looking at me. I don't know why that's giving me a feeling of peace, but it has.
You also have to decide that you're not going to focus all of your thoughts on your W. Choose to focus on you. Take care of you. As you do that and do things for fun for you, you'll be less focused on your W, what she's doing, etc. That doesn't mean, for me at least, feeling numb or falling out of love. Apologies for this analogy, but I've never tried to articulate any of this. It's almost like putting a rubber glove around your feelings for your W. They are there, you can feel them, there's touch and sensation and all of that, but those feelings are dulled. You can also take that glove off quickly and feel everything fully again.
And you're right, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. And it absolutely blows.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
