One of the reasons I've been trying so hard to save my marriage is because my husband's family is my family too.
I wouldn't just be losing him, I'd be losing his Mom and Dad and his brothers and his step mom and his step sister and his grandparents and all of his cousins.
He's got a big family...and on his Dad's side, they all have a huge family reunion every Christmas. I still don't know everyone's names!
I've begun talking to his mother again. She's been a very strong woman and while angry at her ex-husband, has managed to raise her last 2 sons to feel safe, secure, and loved. These 2 boys are growing up into good human beings.
To my shame, I've got to say that I've judged her in the past. She yells a lot and to me, someone yelling is like someone scratching a chalk board with their finger nails.
I've just been separated from my husband for 8 months. I've had to deal with a lot of pain.
BUT--She had a really really NASTY divorce, money issues and custody issues and through it all, these boys stand out for their kindness. She obviously was doing something right.
After having been riding on this roller coaster for 8 months, and seeing how difficult a time I had handling it in a dignified, competent, strong way, I feel so ashamed that I judged her for not handling it the way I thought she should.
Man, I was so naive.
Well, I've talked to her and emailed her...I told her how much I admire her and taken steps to mend our relationship.
It will be difficult to not take sides, when my husband's mother and father are fighting. But now, I have the experience to know that they are both dealing with the pain of a truly nasty divorce. And that I CAN'T judge them, because I couldn't measure up to my own standards!
