Your not wanting your W back now doesn't sound crazy at all. And I know that I saw somewhere last night someone (how's that for vague, but I swear it's true) that her marriage didn't start to turn around until her H hit rock bottom. Hope still remains.
Congrats on getting yourself into a good place and keep it up.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY