i'm in a ticking time bomb-help!

[RedHeadWife]

No, do not sit back & wait. Yes, read "After the Affair" whether H will or not. My H said the same thing -- we went to C 3 times and the 3rd time he said he was done, not willing or even wanting to work things out; he said that "his life long partner should know these things" not get them from a C or books, etc. Anyway, also read the Divorce Remedy book. THAT is where you need to be right now. I understand you are pregnant, hormones, etc. That sucks, but what you are going to need to do if you want to save your M is be very conscious of what you are doing, saying, acting like, etc.

In my sitch, H was deadset on D. He was still living in the house, as he was about to be deployed for a year and wanted to be w/ the boys until he was gone. So, I acted "as if" nothing was wrong.

The most important thing, and you will hear it over & over again, but it so true, is that you need to look at yourself and focus on you. Look at what you can change; look at what you may have done or not done to get your M to where it is and change those things. You must make sure though that they are lasting changes. My H was skeptical at first, thought that the changes would not last, but thawed when he realized that it was for real.

I made sure I looked really good all the time instead of changing into real casual clothes when I got home from work & immediately putting my hair up. I kept my hair down, I stayed looking nice -- FOR HIM.

I started staying up even when I was tired and TALKED to him. What do we have in common besides the kids? I talked to him about his interests, his day at work, etc. I made time for us to watch a movie together after the boys went to bed on weekends instead of just going to bed myself.

I heard the "I only love you as the mother of my children and as a person and nothing else." I told him Bullsh*t and went on. I heard many, many mean & ugly things. It has taken awhile to "get over" that and I still think about some things, but have to not dwell on it.

My H had numerous A's, mostly EA's, won't go into details, but the last was an EA during our D sitch. I still wonder about her and if he's talking to her, but he has told me he wants me and only me, so that's what I believe. He knows it cannot happen again.

Honestly, I thought my sitch was hopeless. I thought he was deadset on D and he was. He went & talked to a L w/o my knowledge on around March 23 and then things all of a sudden started being 'ok' around the 1st of April. I still don't know what exactly changes his mind. It probably was not one thing in particular.

Another thing, I never got mad and screamed and yelled. (of course this was after the initial begging & pleading, but I stopped that as well). I think this made a big difference.

I know this is long, but I feel for you and I'm just telling you what I did and giving you ideas and telling you that it can work out. It did for me and now H is deployed for a year, but I know he wants ME and that's what matters.

Just show your H how much you truly love HIM and only him. Show affection, compassion, support, encouragement, etc. JUST LOVE HIM and don't quit. He will notice and know it's for real.