WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing

[waw1978]

Dom,

I def do not fall into the category you are describing. Although I am sure that some women do. But I have major problems with ANY spouse telling the other what they can and cannot do. we are adults!

For example, I wanted to get my Masters Degree and was flat out told "No Way". Not because we couldn't afford it, but because my H was selfish and didn't want me to take a class or two a week and be away from the house. Same as spending any time with girlfriends. That was about once a month and guess what? I would be punished by his nastiness for a week after. After a while it became not worth it. His controlling ways alienated me from my friends and family. Not healthy. Maybe I would have taken some of this as "I am hurting my husband" but NOTHING I was doing was hurting anyone cause I rarely got the chance to do what I wanted in the first place! I know he has admitted that many of his tactics were purely selfish.

Prior to this separation ANY plans I had in mind I had to ask his permission. Guess what? I let him get away with this BS for years. My fault. I own that. He is my life partner not my father. I will never give anyone that much control over me again. I will never ask anyone's permission to follow my dreams. Maybe things would have been different if his response to everything I asked to do over the years wasn't immediately no or at least explained with a rational thought process. As an adult, who can support myself and my child without him, tell me why would I want to continue in this uneven relationship where he holds all the power?

Our MC has very effectively related to my H that his controlling behavior is one of the things that ruined our M and that it was in some ways abusive. It had nothing to do with hurting him or our marriage, it was all about him being in control of me.