I'm having a really difficult time today. (And yesterday.)
I've been reading Lily's thread and a lot of stuff resonates with me.
But I don't think that's the cause.
I responded to an email from my husband. Here it is:
he said: > http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html > I read over that document, it has some great ideas. > The method of forced enthusiastic agreement > certainly would create happiness and love, although it seems a bit impractical =P. I would think some things just > cannot be agreed upon.
I said: When we first got married, this was something that I thought we had to do in order to stay happily together.
Since we've separated, I've learned that I'm happier being my own person...and I believe that you like me better now that I have found interests and activities that are mine, rather than ours or just yours.
One of the books I'm reading talks about "Differentiation". An analogy that I like that explains this is two people, each in their own canoe, yet traveling together. (Thanks Lily!)
I've learned that it's ok for married couples to disagree. The bottom line is whether married or not, you are my friend. You are not an extension of me. We are two friends who are trying to travel through life together.
We are two separate people with different childhoods, different families and different histories. Of course we won't agree on everything.
And if we were to have forced enthusiastic agreement, one or both of us would be lying.
We've agreed that if we are to continue our relationship that we need to have honesty.
You and I will always disagree on cats being inside or outside. :-P
And that's ok.
I love you, my friend. My husband. My love.
**********************************************
Since I wrote that, I've been on the verge of tears. And to add a new twist, I can taste tylenol pm.
Now, I'm wondering, is this a part of the greiving process that I'm going through? Now that the Zoloft is almost entirely out of my system, has the grieving process started? Am I tasting the tylenol pm because my liver is detoxing it from 2 Christmas's ago? Or is this just a signal from my body that I haven't dealt with the issue yet?
Quoting PhoenixNTraining: I'm confused and having a difficult time.
(((HUGS)))
Sorry to hear your going thru a rough time, but they do happen no matter at what stage you are at. I've been riding one out now for a better part of a month now. Try to back off some and ride it out for a little while and allow yourself time to regroup and refocus on what you need to do to regain your PMA.
Gee...sounds alot like the advise I just received. Sometimes its easier to listen to it from others then from yourself...
Quote: Since I wrote that, I've been on the verge of tears. And to add a new twist, I can taste tylenol pm.
Now, I'm wondering, is this a part of the greiving process that I'm going through? Now that the Zoloft is almost entirely out of my system, has the grieving process started? Am I tasting the tylenol pm because my liver is detoxing it from 2 Christmas's ago? Or is this just a signal from my body that I haven't dealt with the issue yet?
I'm confused and having a difficult time.
I don't think the grieving process is "linear." I believe it comes in waves, similar to that roller coaster analogy we're always talking about. For me, last weekend was a bit rough, but with each successive day I'm feeling a bit better...not as moody. It's good you're going through the grieving process. It's necessary and healthy. I think each time we get overwhelmed with feelings and come back from it, we're stronger. Experience the feelings, feel the feelings, then let them drift away and be replaced with some good PMA. You've overcome some significant obstacles in the last year or so and should be proud. Think on these achievements, PNT.
Quoting jethro: I don't think the grieving process is "linear." I believe it comes in waves, similar to that roller coaster analogy we're always talking about. Snip. I think each time we get overwhelmed with feelings and come back from it, we're stronger. Experience the feelings, feel the feelings, then let them drift away and be replaced with some good PMA.
Wow. That makes a lot of sense.
Well, I fought off calling my husband for comfort.
Instead, I imagined him hugging me and telling me that we were going to be ok.
And then I imagined calling him and him being disapointed in me not sticking with my plan of NOT calling him.
And I was able to not call him.
I'm doing much better today.
I received Michele's taped version of Fire Your Shrink from Ebay last night! Woot!
Just listening to her voice helped me feel better...and getting KAW's hug helped a lot.
Quoting Jethro: For me, last weekend was a bit rough, but with each successive day I'm feeling a bit better...not as moody. ******************************** I'm in somewhat of a quandry...and maybe you guys have some insight. You see, I've been in a strange place the last couple of days. I think I've had to cut off some of my feelings in order to deal with the A. Now, I'm feeling rather apathetic about everything...don't feel those deep feelings like I was. It's making me uncomfortable and empty. Is this a natural progression to this crap, then those feelings will come back? Honestly, I think I'd rather feel the pain more if that meant I'd be able to "feel" more.
Hi again,
I wanted to respond to this on your thread. And I caught up on your thread as well.
Wow. I can really relate to what you've been feeling lately. I get those feelings in waves too.
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one!
I'm also glad to see that you are begining to feel better. Can you pinpoint what you did that contributed to the rise in your PMA?
For me, I looked in the mirror, saw my reflection looked pretty and realized that my outside didn't match up with my inside. And I liked feeling pretty better than I did feeling sad. Things started up from there. But they didn't get totally turned around until I had posted my post, had a positive response from KAW, and did an activity that I'd been looking forward to for a week.
I have to remind myself to focus on the solution, not the problem.
Quoting LL: I told her that perhaps since she cannot pledge her undying love to h to show him that commitment she could simply tell him that she is commited to trying to make the r one in which they can both feel happy and fullfilled.
I like this. When the time is appropriate, I'll have to tell my husband.
