I'm having a really difficult time today. (And yesterday.)
I've been reading Lily's thread and a lot of stuff resonates with me.
But I don't think that's the cause.
I responded to an email from my husband. Here it is:
he said: > http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html > I read over that document, it has some great ideas. > The method of forced enthusiastic agreement > certainly would create happiness and love, although it seems a bit impractical =P. I would think some things just > cannot be agreed upon.
I said: When we first got married, this was something that I thought we had to do in order to stay happily together.
Since we've separated, I've learned that I'm happier being my own person...and I believe that you like me better now that I have found interests and activities that are mine, rather than ours or just yours.
One of the books I'm reading talks about "Differentiation". An analogy that I like that explains this is two people, each in their own canoe, yet traveling together. (Thanks Lily!)
I've learned that it's ok for married couples to disagree. The bottom line is whether married or not, you are my friend. You are not an extension of me. We are two friends who are trying to travel through life together.
We are two separate people with different childhoods, different families and different histories. Of course we won't agree on everything.
And if we were to have forced enthusiastic agreement, one or both of us would be lying.
We've agreed that if we are to continue our relationship that we need to have honesty.
You and I will always disagree on cats being inside or outside. :-P
And that's ok.
I love you, my friend. My husband. My love.
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Since I wrote that, I've been on the verge of tears. And to add a new twist, I can taste tylenol pm.
Now, I'm wondering, is this a part of the greiving process that I'm going through? Now that the Zoloft is almost entirely out of my system, has the grieving process started? Am I tasting the tylenol pm because my liver is detoxing it from 2 Christmas's ago? Or is this just a signal from my body that I haven't dealt with the issue yet?
