Where does he sleep?

[indybyathread]

Wow! This really hit home with me. Mine has been moving from one friend's guest room to another for a few months. I finally convinced him to at least spend his time with the kids (we made an informal separation that included custodial responsibilities and had it notarized) here in the home. I turned my office into a spare room and said it was his to use whenever he wants it.

He is dead set that he is getting his own place as soon as he can afford it. In the meantime, I was able to convince him that it was confusing for the kids to never know where he will be staying from one visit to the next. Last weekend was our first experiment with this and it went really well. I did my own thing, stayed out of his way, accepted some but not all of his invitations to join them for dinner or activities. It was nice. I almost felt married again.

Since then, he has been even more cold and distant than he was before the weekend. It has been all I can take not to ask him what his problem is. I think I know though. I think it was nice and he did feel comfortable and he hates that he felt happy at home. Mine is going through the classic MLC and extremely stubborn. He does not want to entertain the idea that his assertions that he can only be happy when he has had a chance to live alone and find himself could be wrong. The notion that home might actually be a better place to find oneself is eating at him, I think.

So, as much as I want to point out the nice time we had and ask him to spend even more time in his new room, I will just keep acting "as if" I don't care where he is, so long as he is present when expected for the kids. Man it is tough though. Hang in there!