Nice metaphor, I hadn't heard that one before. I was reading through your thread and was struck by the part where you say love is a decision. YES! That's exactly it. When you decide to love someone, and you act in loving ways, then love grows. It's nurturing, like feeding and watering a plant. I love the book The Little Prince, by A. de Saint-Exupery. He makes that point. The Prince loves the rose, not because the rose is nice, because she isn't, but because of what he has put into the rose.
Your wife has built walls, and they give her a feeling of safety. You must work slowly and steadily. Only she can really break down the wall, but you can give her the desire to emerge from behind it.
Don't forget those raw oysters on a half shell. The food of love.
