Have you thought about just letting the R talk totally rest?
This is something I am going to work on with my W. The only R talks we had prior to the recent fiasco, she initiated and they never turned out well. It seems they were always an attempt at letting me know that although we were getting along, intimate, hanging out with each other and going out...., nothing in her had changed towards me, she still wanted a D eventually.
Whatever. Nothing they say so why have the conversation?
My approach now will be, "I'm not really ready to talk about this right now". I refuse to have any more R talks until I know things are moving in the direction I want to go. I won't ask a question I don't want to hear the answer to, nor will I sit through a conversation I don't want to have.
This is a huge 180 for me. Historically I have initiated or participated in R talk.
Two things: 1) R talks suck the life out of me. I don't need to hear how much she sees the changes, how she knows I'm a great guy, attractive, good father, solid earner, BUT, her feelings just aren't changed. It's like getting punched in the gut, no thanks. 2) It just reinforces her belief in everything she is saying. It's like some long winded I want a D affirmation or something. Sorry, I won't help you repeat your daily D affirmation.
I'll talk about the kids, music, movies, the house, even cutting the grass but I have no desire to discuss the R. I'm living in it, why do I really need a temp check?
You know dude, one thing my W said to me a few days ago during a heated R exchange. I told her I didn't see how refusing to at least try MC or retro-vi was something her conscience could deal with when she looks back on this time. W said to me, "and how do you think that any of this stuff, wondering about my plans, asking me what I'm going to do, any of it is bringing me any closer to you, I can't tell you how pushed away I'm feeling right now".
I shutup right away. Maybe the damage is done, but this I know for sure, any R talk, no matter who initiates is a negative.
