Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

reposting this, 'cause I think it got lost: i edited it in, but you were already replying to the original:

BTW: I dont think he "recognizes" anything. he may parrot the words, "yeah i get it", but I dont think he really believes the 15 hours will give you and he a great marriage.

I dont think any sane person, could recognize that "if you do X, you will have a GREAT, Fulfilling, Loving Marriage!", and not do X.

The possible exceptions being:

a) he thinks you are a truely horrible person [that doesnt seem to be the case]

Nope

b) he has decided that he wants to be selfish, and just pursue sex with a [tall/short] woman, whereas you are [short/tall]

[or assorted variants on, "he thinks he wants something that you are incapable of providing him"]

i dont think that's the case.

Unless maybe he's looking for that "strong, self-controlled woman", and he doesnt believe you are capable of THAT.

Yup.

Why, oh why, did I not come check here before sitting down with him??? *sigh*
I just totally backslid. I said I was mad that he didn't keep his promise to do the 15 hours and he says "ummm..don't you think things have changed? We're getting separated..I'm moving out.." As he looked at me like I had grown a second head.
Me-"I don't mean now, I mean in the past."
Him-"oh. well. {shrug}"
Me- "You promised in front of C that you would follow the program"
Him- look of "so?" and a shrug
Me-"we wouldn't be where we are right now if we would have done the program"
Him-"we don't know that"
Me-"And further more, when you "stuck it out for the kids" that isn't actually "trying" that is white-knuckling it."
Him-"I did try. Not recently, but I did try."
Me-"I don't think you did. We had a program to do.."
Him-"well, I did try. You might not think so, but I did." And he left the room.

But do I stop there?? Oh no. I just had to keep on going.
He came back in and sat down. Makes a kissy noise (apparently they mean nothing, so I should ignore them.)
And I say
"Well, I can't help but poke the bear and ask you if there is any part of your brain that thinks we could work out."
Him-"I don't know"
pause while he strums guitar and I say nothing.
Him-"Ask me later"
Me-"Like when you're not mad at me for being mad at you?"
Him-"No, later, later, later."
me-"?"
Him-"ask me in a few weeks."

Hrmph. I don't hold out much hope that in a few weeks he will say anything positive; especially if during this time we don't actually end up seeing eachother or only see eachother to go over financial things/get him his mail, etc.

As a side note.. the "when are you getting an apartment", was really dumb, i'm sorry to say.
you cant go hot and cold on him. you cant say "I want you back! I want you to stay!" and then turn around and say "i want you gone" (which is what you said by asking him about the apartment).

It makes you look like a Weak Out of Control, irrational Woman.
Which is exactly the opposite of what he wants. He wants a strong, self-controlled woman.

yeah, I can see that. At this point, he knows I want us to work out, but having him 'in my face' going out, etc is making me nuts. Everytime I think I am detaching, I can smell him and just want to jump all over him. Or he says something cute or funny. Or he's nice to me. Or, we have an excellent booty call. I feel like I can't get enough distance to get an even keel.