It doesn't really matter at this point, but how do you know that H only knew OW for a few weeks before he moved in with her? Are you absolutely positive that they didn't meet well before he moved out--possibly online-only??
It doesn't really matter. No matter how you look at my sitch, he's a terrible guy. You don't treat people that you care about the way that he has treated me. I'm positive that my H met OW the first week in October for the first time. It was a random meeting in a bar, no prior online relationship. By the first week in November he went and looked at the house that he is currently living in with her. He's pretty stupid...He tried to convince me that we should get divorced without disclosing the affair and even described the house to me that he was "supposedly" going to buy because he "needed to do this for himself...because he never does anything for himself". Through my own detective work, I found out that the deed on this house was only her name...so much for I'm doing for this myself. This is how the conversation went... H: I couldn't buy the house in my name because when we get divorced, I don't want you to be able to take any of it. M: What happens if the D doesn't go through, OW is going to win either way...either she gets you or your money...seems like a win-win sitch for her. H: Why wouldn't the D go through and anyway her and I have an agreement.
Well, here I sit 7 months later and still the D is not finalized...not even close. If anyone wants an example of someone that ran away...my H is the guy. Now, he is sitting 3 hours away from his family crying to them that he is lonely and doesn't know what to do. He should have thought about that before he burnt every bridge that he every built and ran away from his life. They say what goes around comes around. It's around and it is biting him in the @ss. Maybe someday he will realize that he doesn't have any pride left no matter where he lives and will come back to his family and turn into a better man. I'm just not going to be waiting for him.
Last edited by hopeless11; 07/19/0704:15 PM.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
OW doesn't sell used cars by chance, does she? Seems like she let him have a test-drive, then was looking for some earnest money so he'd be committed.
Of course he put up the $$ for his "soul mate" because at that time there were no negatives, and he had no experience with a manipulative-type. Once they are in the house together, he has a much higher hurdle to break up with her.
This is how SHE made sure that he would not have second thoughts or try to reconcile with you.
I'm not trying to excuse his behavior--he's not a good guy, period. But I do think he was a little naive, easy prey for such a conniving woman.
Close...not cars...but she works in sales. It's all about her, no matter how many lives she destroys on the way.
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Of course he put up the $$ for his "soul mate" because at that time there were no negatives, and he had no experience with a manipulative-type.
Exactly, it looked better to be with this OW because he could still be great. To me and everyone that new about the affair, he would be the guy who cheated on his wife. He had absolutely no dating experience, let alone the manipulative kind. He's paying the price.
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This is how SHE made sure that he would not have second thoughts or try to reconcile with you.
Everytime he tried to reconcile with me, it would last a few days and then all sudden he changed his mind. According to him it didn't have anything to do with this manipulative b$tch playing him like a puppet. She cared about him and he respected her because she would always say do whatever makes you happy. He's never once mentioned that he cared about her.
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I'm not trying to excuse his behavior--he's not a good guy, period. But I do think he was a little naive, easy prey for such a conniving woman.
Yes, he was very naive. He's not a good guy, but if this conniving b$tch wasn't making tracks for her great life with him after weeks, this never would have blown into this. Him and I might have been able to salvage our marriage. I blame the affair on both of them, but I blame not giving our marriage a fair, second chance on her. She never would back off and everyone knows the affair is an addiction. He can't break the addiction. My mil hates her and says that she will never ever be a part of her life...now maybe everyone can see why. OW played him and he is paying the price because he is not man enough to suck up his pride so he is living in h$ll instead. One tm that I read that she sent him in January when she found out he was going back to me (this is after knowing each other for 3 mos) said this farm isn't going to the be same without you, we were going to raise our kids here. WTF...Who talks like that after knowing someone for a few months and knowing that he is still married and in love with his wife?
Now, when he talks to his family, he says he is sooo lonely. Oh know, if OW was soooo great, why would he be lonely? Maybe he should have thought of that before he walked over top of everyone in his family. If she was great, he and I would be D by now. She's not...she's a terrible person and he knows it. Why else would he be dragging his feet on D me after he has been involved with her for 8 months. During the last big fight, I told him that I hope you know you are making the biggest mistake of your life....a good woman wouldn't do this and a good man wouldn't either. Maybe they are a match made in heaven. My H is very selfish and OW has to be too; otherwise, maybe she would see that she destroyed not only a marriage but his life. She can't seem to see that through her rose-colored homewrecker glasses. Everything looks great to her...why wouldn't it...she got a man to leave his wife and move 3 hours away for her in a matter of weeks. I hope she gets what she really deserves and it's not my H.
Last edited by hopeless11; 07/19/0705:10 PM.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
It's kind of old-fashioned now, but men used to introduce their wives as "my better half." If only your H knew how true that was in your case. And whether he ends up with OW or someone else, it will never be so true again.
You'll be OK, Hope. Take the high road, and keep your eye on your future.
It's kind of old-fashioned now, but men used to introduce their wives as "my better half." If only your H knew how true that was in your case. And whether he ends up with OW or someone else, it will never be so true again.
The sad thing is that he knows it's true. He actually told me that I deserve better and that he's been holding me back all these years. I asked him why he couldn't be what I deserve and his answer was that his heart wasn't in it. I guess some of us are willing to try harder than others.
At our wedding, his brother was the best man and in his speech he said that when he met me for the first time, he was thinking what is my little brother going to do to screw this up. I didn't remember the speech, but in January during one of my H's "I screwed everything up and I just want to die moments" he repeated it to me like he was playing it over and over in his head. All I can say is that my H has a miserable life and he is the only one that can change it.
Last edited by hopeless11; 07/19/0708:34 PM.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I forgot my cell at home today. When I got home, I had one tm from H asking if I got the papers and one nasty vm from him saying that I guess your are avoiding me...seeing if you got the papers...the least you could do would be send me a message...whatever. Does he have to be so dramatic? It was a couple of hours. I think the one time he didn't return my calls for two days, his comment was relax...my phone was dead. Now, maybe he knows how it feels. Probably not, he's too self-absorbed. I really didn't want to talk to him because he would probably try to push me into signing the papers faster than I want to. He doesn't know about my meeting with the attorney on Monday. I'm not signing the papers until after that. I sent him a tm back that said...I got the papers. Thank you. I wasn't avoiding you, I forgot my phone at home today. Just trying to stay strong and not be drug back into his drama. I think that I am doing well with the detaching and going dark.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I sent him a tm back that said...I got the papers. Thank you. I wasn't avoiding you, I forgot my phone at home today.
Ya did good girl, didn’t sink to his level and make a snide remark. The ball is in your court. Take your time. This will affect you for the rest of your life
You are doing good blue jean baby. L.A lady with pretty eyes and a pirates smile.
Sorry the radio is on
husband .
husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know it's hard to stay detached. It does sound like you are doing it well.
I'm sure he wants to know whether you are going to sign, and it will be difficult to put him off until monday without telling him about the lawyer. I guess you can just say, "you took 8 months, you can give me 8 days, ok?"
I was about to suggest that you mail that cell phone to him, but that won't really help anything. You will need to be in touch with him until the D is final, or at least the papers are signed and filed. Better that you use that phone for now.
I'm sure he wants to know whether you are going to sign, and it will be difficult to put him off until monday without telling him about the lawyer.
One of the three pages that I have to sign has to be notarized, so that is my plan on buying time until I see the attorney...I just couldn't get to a notary. It's almost Friday and my appt is on Monday, I think I can make it. H is probably still mad anyway, so maybe he won't try to contact me...It sucks when people don't answer their phone or return your calls...Now maybe he knows what it feels like for everyone who calls him (me, his sisters, his mom) and he doesn't return calls.
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I was about to suggest that you mail that cell phone to him, but that won't really help anything. You will need to be in touch with him until the D is final, or at least the papers are signed and filed. Better that you use that phone for now.
Exactly, I just watch who I talk to on it. I really don't want to rock the boat with him. It looks like this D might end peacefully. I do have a plan for a new cell that I will be getting soon. Mike, how will I know if the papers get filed? Do I have to call and check with the courthouse or will I get some sort of notification?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
