Not a problem. I post between things at work and don't always edit. I rarely apply something to someone else that I don't apply to myself. I was reflecting on to what extent my postpartum breastfeeding status may have made me seem unavailable to my H. I often fall asleep on the couch with the baby, he isn't transitioned to a crib yet etc... However, if my H said, "If you would get baby out of our bed and keep your eyes open past 10pm I would screw your brains out on a regular basis." - I would!
Barriers one through three to me seem to be a mask for underlying problems. Five through seven standout to me as being things that not only hinder a healthy sexual relationship but the whole of the relationship. And in my opinion are the ones that inevitably will either make or break the relationship. But thank you! you provided great info as allways
Barrier 6: Basing your security or happiness on your spouse
I neve understand how this can work in practice, because when we get married, we are now limiting our love life EXCLUSIVELY to our wives. Our wives are now COMPLETELY responsible for meeting our physcial needs, and physical needs are a HUGE part of a happy life. So for us guys to have comlete lives, we are COMPLETELY dependant upon the wife. So how is it that we are NOT dependant upon our wives for our happiness?
Our wives are now COMPLETELY responsible for meeting our physcial needs, and physical needs are a HUGE part of a happy life.
Oh, I guess you're completely out of luck, then. Sorry we can't help you. You'll never be like other people, who somehow manage to be happy even when they're not getting laid. Maybe you were actually dropped off by aliens and are merely disguised as a human.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/20/0702:49 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
What you stated maybe true if barrier 6 was basising your sexual security and happiness on your spouse. But it encompasses so much more then that.
A relationship is suppose to enhance your life and who you are not take it over. So many people stop being who they were when they first came into the relationship hence the things that made them interesting and attractive to the other person no longer exist.
I have been watching my 17 year old son do this very thing and had a simular talk with him regaurding it. 9 months ago he had lots of friends and interest then came along this girl. Slowly over the months everything in his life became about the girl. He became so wrapped up in her that she was his all. The things he use to do with friends stopped and the sports he played stopped if it was not about her it was not period. 9 months later she dumped him why? He had become borring and she had found interest in someone else who was not. Basically he was no longer the person she met and liked in the begining he had based his source of happiness only on her and was no longer independent of being happy unless it was about her. She on the other hand was not interested in making her life depend on just one borring person. My son is now showing interest in all the things he stopped being interested in prior to the relationship again friends sports ect.
Long story short A relationship should be like mustard. It should be used to enhance the flavor of your food not hide it. And a relationship should be there to enhance your life not take over it. To me that is what Barrier 6 is talking about.
You and only you are responsilble for the desicions you make so you and only you are responsible for your happiness even your sexual happiness. Cemar you choose every day to stay married to your wife for what ever reasons. So you choice everyday to remain sexually unfullfilled. You know you cannot change her I hope you know that you cannot make her want and see things the way you do or view what you view as important. You just can't period. No one here even the ones with success story's managed that. Mr NOP did not change Mrs Nop. She changed herself the reasons SHE decided to change may have had a thousand things to do with Mr Nop but it was her choice and her desicion that changed things. And though they both may benifit from this change and both now may agree that sexual fufillment is important to there relationship. I am sure the reasons that they individually have for feeling this way are very different. So they still see the same things differently he did not make her see things his way.
I think I have started to babble and loose point here. But Cemar it is all about exceptance if you choice to remain unhappy. "It is what it is" has become my favorite saying in life.
Maybe not as happy but you could still be happy. Find happiness in other aspects of your life. Back to the whole barrier 6 issue there. Stop putting the whole of your happiness in one person or one thing. Just a thought.
CeMar, were you never happy before your wife entered your life? Based on your statement I'm lead to believe that in your single days....you must have been completely miserable, because you didn't have someone to place all of the responsibility on for making you happy. I mean, there were bound to be dry spells, sexually speaking, when you were single....so you must have just been completely miserable then too....right? That IS the logic you are using.
I'm an HD woman....I went for 10 years as a single woman after my divorce. I had a few boyfriends in those years...but there were large chunks of time (years) when I didn't have anyone in my life in that capacity, and didn't date either...I was QUITE happy. Part of that happiness came from the fact that I wasn't relying on anyone else to make my life fulfilling and content. The people I include in my life, such as my husband...ADD to the happiness, joy, and fullfillment, they are not responsible for it....I am. If you are not happy with who YOU are, no one else can make you happy CeMar.
