Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

How have you been approaching the "spend 15 hours" so far? specifically, what kind of wording?

It started out with "Okay, time to do our homework". That didn't work. Then in front of the counselor he said he would do it and I should make him do it. It worked a couple of times but then he was resentful, sighed and died, hurried thru it; basically didn't really give it a go. I dropped the home work part to just focus on us doing fun things.

I started out saying lets go do this- you wanna do that? He would tell me how he wanted to work on his music. Or he would put me off.

Counselor suggested that since the music was important to him, that we make an agreement where he would have an opportunity to go to work on his music for a set period of time (hour, hour and half, whatever) and then at the end of that time, we would reconnect and spend UA time together. He never did that. (It wasn't until just last week that I found out she had suggested that.I am sure it would have worked if he would have tried it.)

So, more recently, knowing that our relationship was faltering and seeing that he wouldn't do what he agreed to do, I did end up getting more intense in my desire to do stuff together, until it culminated in the decision to separate.

BTW: you're mixing and matching two differrent styles here.
MB, and DB. they dont neccessarily blend well in all situations.

MB is for both people to eventually commit to, "stick to the plan, it works " (after initial "plan A" type stuff to show the other person the benefits, and that you are sincere.)

He absolutely refuses to commit to the time, me, our marriage-anything. And THAT is the problem. He will NOT commit even though he recognizes it could make our relationship great.

DB i think is more for a SINGLE person, to effect change, through changing themselves.

if you believe that the MB style of 15 hours of together time, will dramatically improve your relationship.. go for it.
if you could get him to live up to his promise.. I think it could turn around your marriage, personally.

If you instead believe that is a lost cause... then give up on that, and go for more DB style stuff.

Yes, I think that only thing I can do is change myself and hope he misses me.

However, at this nasty, critical juncture in your relationship, where he's moving it to.. I think you'd better pay for a professional DB coach, TODAY, because otherwise, your situation needs serious experienced help, beyond the usual, "GAL", type stuff.

I have done that. I guess I need to call him to get some more guidance.

there's my "my marriage is still a mess" opinion, anyways...

LOL
hey, I really appreciate your "my marriage is still a mess" opinion. I tried to find your story but it seems that lately all you do is post within other peoples threads. Do you have a thread of your own?