all the while I was camping with daughter, I have to admit I hardly thought about my situation at all!!!!
That's when the relief comes. First it's a minute or two. Then a half hour. Then you realize you've spent a whole day outside of your head and the mess!
Good job.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
A self rightous, scathing type letter in which I let all my anger pour forth.
Friend, at the risk of sounding rude, you haven't been here very long. Also, at the risk of sounding negative this process takes a LOT longer than we would hope for. I'm at a year and a half, and I'm just now starting to feel like a human being.
Let me tell you, in my head I have killed W and OM a million ways. I have wished every bad thing on her that I could think of. I've ranted, raved, cussed, spat, thrown things and every other expression of anger you can think of, BUT! I've never done it toward her, and will never do it toward her.
This is one area where the rational mind controls the emotions.
Write your letters. Blow her up with a car bomb. Hope that she gets hit by a train. Hope shes gets AIDS and dies. THEN, when you are finished, destroy them.
Your boil analogy is one I use myself. You many have to lance it a number of times and drain the poison before it heals. Just remember, NEVER toward her, and NEVER around the children if you have any.
You may email me any time if you need to. My addy is in my profile.
"Be angry, but sin not." God does not expect you to not have anger. He expects you to channel it properly.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I hear what you are saying Tamashii. I think it is good to vent to let off all my self rightous steam and all of that. Some of the other negative thoughts, would probably serve me best by not committing them to any format of permanancy. Never know when something like that could bite a guy in the butt.
We just did the child exchange about an hour ago, it went real smooth. I even got her to laugh once. Actually feeling a little up about it, maybe a little baby step there.......time will tell. Time is my friend.
Well tonight is my 1 and only night to myself, so I am going out for a bit. Might indulge in some Texas Hold Em. Perhaps take in a show....... Have to behave though as she is dropping daughter back her at 8 am ish......
Well here I sit. Wife just came and picked up daughter. Today me and daughter went to a live butterfly exhibit, she really liked that. It was at a botanical gardens type place, I have to admit the place was really beautiful.
My vacation is done, tommorow 5 am back to reality. Sucks. Wont see my daughter again until Monday morning. This is the time where is all comes and slaps me in the face. Going to do my best tonight to not get all wigged out. I am tired, and do not feel like putting myself through the emotional wringer tonight.
Think I shall do some journaling and then play some cards online. Dont know what else to say.......blah.....plod plod I guess...
Thanks. What I think I need more than anything right now is a good nights sleep. I hope I can get at least 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 hours. Sometimes I know I can type and talk alot, but at times like this I just get stuck.......dont even know what to type. Hang in there everybody!
Hang in there buddy , things will improve I promise you and that will be regardless of what happens in your sitch. Stick to the basics. only worry about that what you have control over. Spend the time you have with your daughter well. Try and find some good in every day .
NDDT...I do know for certain that the H, is seeing somebody else...hurts like hell! However, our D, is nowhere near being finished, and a D takes a hell of a lot of time....hold on to that time. Patience...its a neccessity a wise man once told me!! Stay strong my man...you can do this. Show her your improvements, and give her time and space....think positive. PMA!!!!
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
When I was driving home tonight I took a different route as I wanted to stop at the store and pick up a few things.
I drove past an old man and old woman. They had to be in there 70's. He was walking with a cane, and with his other hand he was holding her hand. Made me think. Made me feel sad, as I want someone to grow old with too. Some of all of this is so lonely at times. But I did think about the old couple, here there were in their waining years, yet still taking a nice summers eve stroll hand in hand. Good for them. Just imagine all that they seen together. Been through. Good times and bad. Maybe they have children, and are proud parents/grandparents.......
How is it that some people can make it work? Live together for a long time, and still have the love in there old age to take that evening stroll hand in hand? Is it luck? Hard work? Just meant to be????? I wish I had all of the answers. I kinda envied them old folks walking hand in hand......
Of course, perhaps, maybe they were just a couple of dirty old cheaters! His wife and her hubby already asleep in the nursing home just down the block!! lol........never know these days I guess.
I've read here a few times that perhaps it takes 1 month for every year of marriage. Well if that holds true then by the end of August I am home free!!! Who knows? I think if this thing does hit the 6 month mark that I may consider seeking some sort of companionship.........this is lonely work at times....
My PMA is ok today. Not the greatest, but a long shot from the worst. On the 1 - 10 I give it about a 6. Financial worrys got me down more than anything at the moment.....
Anyhow all you great people, have a great evening!!!!
I drove past an old man and old woman. They had to be in there 70's. He was walking with a cane, and with his other hand he was holding her hand. Made me think. Made me feel sad, as I want someone to grow old with too.
I've had the same sad thought too. And when I see a young couple together, I think "they have no idea!"
Originally Posted By: NDDT
Of course, perhaps, maybe they were just a couple of dirty old cheaters! His wife and her hubby already asleep in the nursing home just down the block!! lol........never know these days I guess.
