Sometimes it's difficult to ask someone to do the work, like spending quality time with you. I feel my W doesn't have a need to have anything to do with me at the moment (not out of malice, but because she feels there is nothing there for her), so she would resent such a request. She just wouldn't do it. I guess you feel your H is the same. He seems pretty determined to go and if you ask me he needs a kick up the backside. The question is, how long will we have to wait for changes?
Yes, I absolutely believe he would not only resent such a request but that it would run him off even quicker.
The reason we have reached the point of him leaving is that I was pressing for the time and he was refusing to do it. He was morose, sullen, avoiding spending time with me and I finally had had enough and said it was re-f'ing-diculous. That I was fed up with him resisting and being poop. He said "do we really have to talk about this now?" and I said we did and he said "I just can't commit to the time; so where does that leave our marriage." and then he went on to say that he just wanted to run away and be by himself, and *this* time I didn't argue-- I said that he should do what he needed to do.
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On the subject of trying, right now I feel my wife has not tried at all to revive our R or her feelings, but I keep reading women do try and then give up and men miss the signs. Did I miss them? Some, perhaps, but I feel like she just changed and wants something new. I'm not sure if this works the other way round.
What are your main worries right now? What are your questions? What do you see? What do you feel? Is there anything we can help with?
Perhaps we are taking on too much responsibility for the choices they are making?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to be the antithesis of DB to *demand* that he spend the 15 hours with me.
Aren't I supposed to be GALing? Creating some mystery so that he'll turn around and say "gee, who is *this* lovely creature? What the heck am I thinking?"
Additionally, how in the world is he supposed to feel like he *chose* to be with me if I am forcing myself on him?
If I am being dim, I don't mean to be. I am just not connecting the dots given the dire situation we are in.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
