Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Dom R]

The way he phrased it "Some women say "You better quit doing XYZ or you don't get to be with me"" makes me think that if I say "Okay, buddy, you better do the 15 hours you agreed to or you don't get to be with me", he would say "I don't want to be with you-that's why I am moving out."
KWIM?

I think you're taking him waaay too literally/narrowly.
I dont think he meant to say, "every time he gets out of line, you should threaten him with leaving him".

I think rather, that he's saying that he wants a strong wife, who wont take crap from him, and expects him to act like a man. and to not accept less from him.

it's not about making threats. its about setting bounderies, like someone else said.
Being a woman of firm conviction and morals, could be another way to state it.


here's a thought.

he's co-dependant. he wants a mommy. He "doesnt want any rules", but at the same time, SOMETHING in him, recognizes that rules are good, and he wants to set someone up to enforce rules over him.

half of him recognizes that rules are important. half of him wants freedom from rules.

Perhaps best way to tackle both, is to say that, while you wont impose/force rules on him... you have standards for yourself.
That's where the "[treat me with respect, or I leave]" talk from him came from, perhaps.

Anyways, similarly... I think you need to be creative in stating your expectation of him about the 15 hours.

Teachers say, that students live up to the expectations you have of them. Perhaps you can find some way of showing positive expectations of him.. without having it come across as a "rule", that he "has" to follow.