It begins ... with a slice of comedy.

[Trixi]

Max-
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
Even if she says that she is having the time of her life, just remember it's all very novel right now.

Heck, I don't want my marriage to end, but I do daydream that if I was *forced* to divorce it would be fun to paint my *own* house and decorate how *I* want. Maybe eventually post on Eharmony or some such thing...In other words, even in this dark period of my life I can see where it would be an adventure; I am sure if I instigated the adventure I would be very jazzed at embarking on it.

BUT- I also know that there are only so many rooms to paint, so many boxes to unpack and only so many nights where you can escape your feelings by keeping busy.

The cold reality will hit our WAS. We may not be witness to it, and for a time, their pride might prevent them from admitting it.

Do your best tomorrow. My H is out looking for an apartment right now, and I know that it will hurt when he moves out and if he says he LOVES his new life, I am sure it will hurt me deeply and scare the living daylights out of me. But I am going to do my best to let this play out however it plays out.

Keep up posted

[MaxP]

Well it was a strange MC session that ended with us agreeing not to continue to have more sessions as there is no common ground at the moment or overlap/contact that would enable us to work on our issues. I was pretty frustrated at the end of the session. My wife needs time, lots and lots of time. Apparently she spends very little time thinking about us and can promise nothing. So our sitch is left very open ended, no contact for a while (3-4 weeks) at least on R issues. Then we will see what happens and what contact can be established. Very vague.

We went for a quick drink at the end which was good. We talked about the future, about the fact that we each have a chance to grow. She said that she really liked talking to me, it is one of the good things about us. I mentioned that she is a WAW, which she had never heard of. I also talked about my counseling and how I feel so confident (I do, it is really quite amazing). She said she thought my behaviour was almost as if I had been brainwashed (I think in a positive sense). So it was good. Then I asked her a particular question and watched her lie to me and that was too much. So we left the bar shortly after that, said a brief goodbye and I came home.

So Agent99, I don't really know when or even if the cold reality will hit my W. It's going to take a long time if it does and I'm not sure if she would even care enough to do something about our R if it did hit her.

Still, the lack of contact for 3 weeks will get me back on an even keel! It certainly seems to help my mood no end.

Agent99, any news on the hunt for an apartment. How are you coping?

Max

[SallyM]

Max,

sounds like you had a good talk, for the most part, after the session. good luck, you sound pretty upbeat. hopefully the next 3 weeks will get you back to where you want to be.

[MaxP]

morgan,

The talk was good, but seeing her again was hard. I have been more emotional this evening than I have since she left. I know I will be fine, but I do miss her. Time apart actually seems to help. Three weeks feels like a lot.

Thanks once again for the support. It helps.

Max

[Trixi]

Max-
No news (yet) on an apartment. I am coping okay with mini-crying bursts here and there. (I do my best to not do it in front of him.)
Funny thing; when this first started, I would get up in the morning (after crying the day before) and look in the mirror and say "Ack! Look how swollen my eyes are. Oh dear, I look awful." It's been so long since I haven't woken up after crying the day before, I have forgotten what I used to look like.

Max, if you don't mind, check out my thread and see what you think.

It does seem like you are having a great attitude. Keep up the good work!

[SallyM]

max, what I found when H and I separated was that it was really hard at first...but the longer he was gone, the easier in some ways it was. not in all ways, but in some ways. And as I told him, I miss HIM so much, but not the ass I had been living with for the few months prior. seeing him day after day and knowing he was no longer mine was like rubbing salt in the wound.

not saying its a piece of cake, far from it, of course.

stay strong!

[MaxP]

Morgan,

I think part of the reason I'm feeling so good is that some of the stress has gone. I no longer feel that I have to watch how I behave or be wary of what I say, no more criticism or control. I was actually pretty wary of seeing her today - I could have happily not done so, because I knew it was likely to push me backwards. But at least I do miss her, and that is good to know.

Agent99, I've done more crying in the past 2 weeks than in the past 10 years. Normally, it's only two tears per eye though! Tonight there were a few more, but I tell myself that was partly because of the plotline for Brothers and Sisters. I'll check out your thread right now, then it's time for bed.

Max

[Trixi]

Bed? where in the world do you live?

[SallyM]

Max, I think that's exactly what allows me to breath easier without him here...don't have to freak out if a cheerio is on the floor for more than 5 minutes. don't have to feel like I have to be "on" 24/7. don't have to face the idea that I am so inadequate in whatever way, that he went outside the marriage. and yeah, I know logically the affair and his mlc is about him, not me, but can't help the way it feels sometimes.

take care, and have a good sleep, hopefully the morning will be bright. thanks for checking out my thread. its amazing how nice a little support from total strangers can be.

[SallyM]

sorry, btw, totally off topic, but you two are making me smile, you know. Max and Agent99 have found each other here! hehehe