We're all in the same boat man. Just put it in God's hands. Like you said we don't have any control and whats worse is we never had it in the first place even though we thought we did.
Jazz - Nice to see your post. Hope all is well. We're all hanging in there.
good luck. BM
1) stop signing your posts "BM" it's grossing me out
2) the sad thing for me is, I wasn't intentionally trying to control her, not even a little bit. Shoot, she could do whatever she wanted! What I was doing was not allowing her to express herself, her opinions, he feelings, etc. and that was worse than if I'd not let her go out, or whatever. Why I did that I don't know. My therapist thinks it's because my Mom used to really freak out when things didn't go her way, she expressed all those things to my Dad in a somewhat imappropriate manner and I never liked it as a kid. SO, anytime an argument or discussion came up where emotions might have been running high, I tried to stamp it out so I wouldn't have those uncomfortable feelings like I did when I was a kid. Subconsciously, I wasn't going to allow myself to go through that and even though my wife is NOTHING like my mom, my subconscious created the link between emotion and discomfort. So, my wife shared that she didn't like to argue, so she'd just quit arguing and get quiet. I took that as approval of my POV, and then 5 minutes later when everything seemed ok and we were happy again, I thought it was all over. See the huge disconnect? My wife was still pissed, and she stored that up. When it got to where she wasn't going to give up anymore and our arguments got longer and louder, she gave up, and here we are. Sad, isn't it? Just a little bit of communication skill and we would not be here.
that's why when I think that she's been storing this up for 11 years, 4 months isn't that long. Do I want her to at least chat with me a little bit about SOMETHING, ANYTHING? Yes, but it's not for me to decide.
i just hope she sees that we can win together, that it's not me against her, and our future can be really bright - we're not going back, we're going forward. We're a team and we can win together. We'll see...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
