Ok, we all have our ups and downs, our good moods and our bad moods, our 'I can stick this out' vs 'I can't last another day in this M'. You my friend, are stuck in the down and bad can't last another day mode. Shake yourself out of it!!! Do focus on the upswing you have had, on those positives, the nice little trips you have had with W.
I truly believe that very often with my H if someone tells him what to do and how to do it he will try his best to buck the system. Something as basic as there is no way you can shift that truck without using the clutch...well yeah, you can if you synchronize the gears with the rpm's in the motor. So if you have well meaning people telling W that D is not a good option it may be having the exact opposite effect that you want it to have. Is she verbally stating this is still her idea or vision, to proceed to D? email if you'd prefer off radar.
Get enough rest. Take care of yourself and your body, eat right, and that will help your emotional and mental attitude. Sorry to sound like your mother, but a little reminder of the basics is due here buddy. Focus on you. Have fun, and smile while you are doing it.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I understand completely how you are feeling, Phoenix. I guess we all have those days when we wonder what our S's are trying to prove, if anything.
As WCW says, take care of you, and have a little fun.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks a lot my DB crew here. As the day has progressed I have done better. If I can get my thoughts together maybe I will go off the radar and lay it out. However, now I think I'm moving back up, so I'll just ride things for now and see where things go. Summers are usually so busy, you usually don't have time to think, which probably is a good thing.
Weekend looks to include, movie, adventure, projects. Should be fun, lets see how it goes. Let's see what happens.
Well the saga continues, pretty good PMA today. I am taking courage in the fact that a fair amount of time has passed and the hammer hasn't fallen. Also W's attitude is fairly positive. I want to be positive, but really don't want to be burned either.
I've kind of decided that I just can't sit around and let things happen to me, so I'll plow ahead and pursue my life, be cautious, but not up tight. Hopefully this will give W the space she needs to make some good choices. Plus I'll try not to piss her off.
Every time I feel like giving up, W does something right. Every time I start feeling kind of secure, she yanks things the other way. Some days I just feel like walking up to her and saying, "are you done jerking me around, can we get down to the rest of our lives"?
Some days I feel like I'm living the "Survivor" experience. Not sure when I'm going to be voted off, not sure when I'm being sent to exile island. No commercials, no reward challenge/prize, no automobiles to be won, just attitude and harsh living.
Get in the boat or you'll end up in the water. Sounds like a good motto.
Nothing new to add, things have been busy. Got a fair good text from W this morning, it was a good way to start the day. If I can get past the weekend, get back on track with sleep, things could get better. I would sure like to see some good break through on this sitch. Maybe I need to look at a new 180 perhaps.
Just a thought, but what could your W do to let you see that there is a break through? Would it have to be a gradual build up or some major thing? I know one of my 'markers' was my H using old pet names when speaking to me. Not a break through as such, but a marker on the road. I am still waiting for H to initiate a R talk where he does all the talking and it revolves around his responsibility in the A, his acknowledgement for how it affected me and the children (causing my lack of trust), his continued lack of plugging into the M completely, and why, and so on. Not just saying sorry as a reaction to my talking to him about our R. That would be huge for me. The markers keeps one hoping, and I have loads of those, but haven't reached any major stations along the line.
Is that what you are looking for, perhaps?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Let's see probably WOA, mix in a little listening ear followed by acts of service. However, you have to pretty stealth about it in the earlier days, she would turn cold if she picked up on the fact that you were trying to talk her LL. This days I just make sure she knows I appreciate what she does do, listen to what she says, then do things that help her out.
Does it turn her on? Not really, but at least it makes her less Martyr. This is her trigger point, if she feels like she's being dumped on, she gets upset, offended. Yes W does work hard, but lets just say sometimes I think she works it too hard. Let's see, if you think it's hard now, try to go it alone.
Some days I just feel like walking up to her and saying, "are you done jerking me around, can we get down to the rest of our lives"?
