He needs to stop trying to control me, tring to mold me into the person he wants me to be and start loving me, really loving me for who I am. He needs to start supporting my decisions, my wants, my dreams and stop being a selfish SOB
You know, waw, that could've easily come out of my W's mouth word for word. Painful to be reminded, but necessary to strengthen my resolve to make the necessary changes within me, and for either my current M or any other future R/M I have. Thanks for this. I did EXACTLY what your H has apparently done to you.
Perfect example:
Right before she left me -- I think this was one of the final straws -- I asked her if she was going to register to vote for our local elections. She said no, and I asked why not (I've been a bit politically charged for a while now). She said because she didn't know anything about the current issues or candidates. I said, "That's fine. I can just tell you who to vote for." OMG!!! Looking back, I can't BELIEVE I said that and actually meant it. She gave me a look of disbelief, and I -- being completely oblivious -- was like, "What?". Unbelievable...and down right disgusting.
Quote:
He needs to start validating that I am the person he loves, not this person he tried to make me for years. he has yet to be able to acknowledge whether this is even possible for him.
I would like to know that, at this stage in the game for me, what can I do to show W this? I think I've done a lot already: backed off completely for 2 months, given her enough $ in the settlement to buy her own house outright and live without monetary stress (when by ID law I didn't have to give her anything since everything came by way of inheritance), not been critical, controlling, angry, etc, about anything in several months, supported her desired changes with work, etc. I'm just not sure how I can do anything more, other than present her with a "last stand talk" sometime prior to the D day on Aug 16th. Can you give me any guidance as to what I might say to her in that talk? What would you like to hear if you've been seeing active and consistent changes in H, but the D was right around the corner? What would you need to hear ?
Thanks waw -- and remember to compliment H on the things he does well that you need from him so he will continue doing them.
