My appt w/ new C is in less than 4 hrs and H still hasn't told me if he's going. This wishy-washiness is driving me crazy. I asked him last night if he had decided if he was going to go and he said he didn't know. I asked if it was because of the time (busy time for him at work) or because he didn't want to go and he said "a little of both." He told me he would let me know this morning.
I had the kids call him on the cell this AM as I was bringing them to daycare. My d7 gave me the phone when she was done talking, and I told him that I would have to call him later as it was too loud in there to talk. I waited until about 11:45 to call him back, left a message, and I haven't heard back from him. I am going to assume I will be going alone and try to have a PMA about it. I'll be able to focus on me. I'm a little nervous about going, meeting a new C, probably falling apart in front of a stranger.
I'm really getting tired of living in limbo, not knowing if H is going to be distant or not, not knowing if I'll wake up with him in bed next to me (couch on Monday, bed on Tuesday- what will tonight bring?), not knowing if he'll be joining us on a weekend away next weekend. I still haven't told the kids about the w/e away, as I don't want to dash their hopes if I change my mind about going w/o h.
I have tried to be all about giving him space. I had to laugh the other night at mini-golf when s7 was standing too close to h while he was trying to putt and I said "Give Daddy some space." I guess we all need to do it.
Good moment from yesterday; As I was leaving for work, we had a mutual hug and h said "Thanks for a nice birthday." I said "I hope it was good." and he said "It was- thanks." I know there's not much in the words, but he seemed to be his old self for a few minutes, which was refreshing.
I've been inspired by reading some of the success stories on this site, yet discouraged at how long the process takes. I will keep plugging on.
