Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Dom R]

He is trying very hard to convince himself and others that he did "try" for many years;

This may be true.. but "what have you done for [us] lately?" The saying goes, "Marriage is hard work", and the work doesnt stop halfway through the marriage.


that he stuck it out when he didn't want to (for the kids); and now he just needs to move on. He acknowledges that I have made HUGE changes in the last couple of years, but 'something' is still missing.

well, sure something is missing.. THE FUN!
Why? because he sits his sorry butt on the couch and does nothing. (at least, with you)

Look... he promised to do this stuff with you.
Also, he has said, that you SHOULD "stand up to him".

This controlled separation garbage, will most likely be the end of your marriage. its an express-lane to divorce, the way you have it set up.

Your alternative.. is to do exactly what he told you that you should do, and STAND UP to him.

Tell him that before the controlled separation, you want him to keep his promise about doing the 15 hours a week.
For 2 months.

DO NOT accept his "emotional energy" garbage. Get In His Face about it. Every time... every time! he tries to say that, tell him,
'THAT's CRAP! you made a promise, now BE A MAN about it!'

If you really want to push his buttons, you might say,
"Men dont only keep promises 'when they feel like it'. you sound more like a girl than a man, when you say that". But that's "nuke" level... up to you to decide if you really want to go that far...


I don't think everyone should take this approach to their husband, or their troubled marriage but given what he has said to you in the past about standing up to him, and given that he straight-up promised to do it... hold his feet to the fire. Make him do it.
And no compromises on the time. No, "well we sat in the same room together reading our own books last night, so that's 2 hours". Make it real "Undivided attention" time.

And I wont accept any "it's too hard to do that" crap from you about it either