You are right he didn't think I was there for him but he wasn't there for me either. So we ended up in a vicious cycle. Just don't know if he can put it behind him and try again.
Good observation! My therapist calls it the negative cycle. One party does something negative, the other responds negatively (thought it may not be interpreted as negative by the first party) and it goes round and round, gaining momentum and building speed til it just POPS! And someone gets spit out and something really bad happens like separation and divorce.
It can be broken, but it doesn't happen overnight...
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I will be there for him whenever he'll let me. I'd love to go to the hospital with him but I don't know if he'll let me. When I do tell him I'm sorry or is there anything I can do or something like that alot of times I hear not your fault thanks I'll be fine. Something along those lines.
I will do what I can and hope one day he does see the changed me. If not I'll have to figure out how to get on without him.
This is the only way to break the cycle! That is to break it for yourself. You then hope that your SO can see the cycle is broken and come out and check it out a little, then a little more. Then you talk about it, you set some boundaries, or guidelines - "I'm not perfect so if I slide on this, come talk to me and let me know so I can fix it instead of <insert normal negative reaction here>"
If they don't come out to look, well there is nothing you can do about it. You work hard, you do everything you can, if it's not enough for them, well that's really sad.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
