One day at a time

[JR2007]

So here's the big disconnect I see now was going on in my marriage: I didn't think my wife was there for me when I really needed her, and she didn't think I was there for her, and we were probably both right. WHY would she be there for me when I wasn't there for her? And vice-versa? Well, pure selfishness. I should have just been there for her regardless, and I wasn't because I was only thinking that I was suffering. When she really needed me during some REALLY hard times last year, I bottled up my emotions, cut hers short in an ill-advised attempt to protect her so she wouldn't feel the pain anymore and thought we had moved on. WE HADN'T! She totally still felt the pain, and now had no outlet for it because her H wasn't there. I still felt the pain but didn't think I could share it or I'd look like a wuss to my wife (and men can't let that happen, right?!) We were both suffering because we had next to zero communications skills.

I'm telling you all this because if you stick to your guns and you're just there for him, let him know you feel his hurt for his grandma, and whatever else difficult might be going on in his life, and you do it without expectations of reciprocation, maybe he'll see you are there for him now. You control you, you do what's right, and hope he sees it. If he doesn't, you've still done what's right.

We all have to stop focusing on WHO is right and instead focus on WHAT is right.