Hi WAW and Steel - I was having a problem with the difference between detaching and being cold as well so I asked my dbing coach. She summed it up nicely by saying "there's a difference between turning your back on your spouse vs. taking a step back from your spouse. The first one is being cold,distant and not offering to help the latter is still being available to help and offer support, but under their conditions not yours. I still am working on the idea of "unconditional love". Loving your spouse like Jesus loved the church. Not sure how I will ever be able to do that. Have to learn to love myself that way first. Once again, time and space, and patience, patience, patience. The sooner we realize we have no control over the sitch the easier it is to detach. At least that's what I keep repeating to myself ;\) Good luck. BM