So tell us what you did in the months leading up to this. How'd you boost your confidence and attractiveness? How'd she get past her issues and start feeling open and intimate with you? Knowing what you did to improve matters will help you get rid of that (eventually self-fulfilling) fear that she is giving you what you want for now and will take it away again later. I don't think she can keep staying up until 2AM and having sex every single day indefinitely, but if you keep up your confidence and stick with whatever changes you've made, she'll probably be interested far more often than she was in previous years.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Dang Chrome. I am really impressed with your W. Of course, things will wax and wane but this is terrific. I hope you and she are having a great time together!
Thanks for the kudos all, and you are right, the hard work to get here has been done within my W. Apparently she has been able to battle her own demons successfully.
We did have the anticipated down (actually several since the last post), but for some reason I am dealing with it well. I think that it is partly due to the fact that when things were going good, they were SO good that it is hard for me to imagine that we could go back to the way we were. In a nutshell, things were said that forever changed my view of our R.
I'll admit that it was odd listening to my W talking about wanting to hide her lacy thong in my suitcase so that I could get some nice smirks from airport security. And an hour long discussion about what kinds of lingerie she thinks she would like to try. And a very direct statement about sexual positions. And on and on. I almost wonder if I truly appreciated it at the time, I was so in shock.
The downs were primarily due to lack of sleep from cranky kids, but she seemed to recover fairly quickly, even to the point of going to bed every night panty-less just in case things felt right. We did have a few snipes at each other, but I was able to quickly deflate the situation with humor every time.
My main goals now are to work on timing and technique. I think I'll get that book Lil suggested. Can't hurt eh?
Gotta run, been really busy again. Will check back in a few days.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks for the kudos GGB. You are right, a lot of this is about me "plowing" through the first and second level defenses and being confident in who I am. In the past I had "packaged" myself as a man who didn't know what he wanted and didn't care enough to be steadfast in his life goals. I was inadvertently training her to disrepect me because I didn't respect myself. A perfect example of what blackfoot used to call "mirroring." Give your W a model of how you want your R to be and she can run with it, good or bad. I'm just running with the good now. I like to sit and stare at her now while I think about having sex with her. Really gets her unnerved. Works a lot better than sitting there complaining about her being on the computer too much. LOL
Still got A LOT to work on, the enmeshed ILs, her being "icked out" by the thought of oral sex ... hey, maybe I'll sit there and stare at her while thinking about going down on her. That ought to really send her reeling about, especially if I can make it obvious exactly what I'm thinking about. Hmmm ...
Speaking of kudos, I couldn't have made it to where I am without my friends, one of which I got to meet IRL recently, and let me tell you he is the real deal. Thanks and nice to meet you blackfoot. Looking forward to a lifelong friendship. Manly hugs and all ... very innocent friendly manly hugs ... yes, cause I'm not like that you know, despite what some strangers might think ... LOL. I'll stop before the inside jokes get too far out.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Me too. Let me guess - blackfoot is actually a blond, blue-eyed Swede? Just kidding.
I'm glad that things are good between you and W. I would work on that IL thing. What happens if you "whisper sweet nothings or do something mildly sexual in the presence of the ILs?" I think if you can do a little butt pat or hand holding or inside reference in their presence it will go a long way toward establishing you W as a grown-up and your marriage as equally important as the parental R. What do you think?
