H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

thanks! wasn't sure if telling him I still wanted the marriage was too much, although I suppose I need to do that, especially when he asks.

a couple of prouds...a couple of weeks ago, I would have told him that I still wanted the marriage, but would have gone on to either ask him where he stood (right now, I know that would open a discussion I don't want, if/when he's ready to save the marriage, he'll tell me himself), or I would have told him exactly what he needed to do to end it himself. I wish I could take back some of the stuff I've told him the last 3 months. seriously, I'm a "fixer" by nature. I can't tell you how many times I have given him the path to leaving me on a silver platter. and he starts mulling over it...even if he doesn't take it the minute I say it, he talks about it the next time, and I back down or whatever.

my other proud is I had many opportunities to check out his phone/blackberry/wallet and didn't once pick any of them up. in fact, at one point I was downstairs and he was upstairs with the kids. he came running down the stairs and picked up his blackberry (on the kitchen counter) and said he could hear it buzzing all the way upstairs. I didn't even hear it and I was only 10 feet away or so. trust me, a month ago I would have jumped on it the first time it even came close to buzzing. I also didn't ask who it was...he immediately told me. probably because it wasn't OW. granted, last winter whenever we were out, he used to text his friend, D, /recieve texts from his friend D, and I found out later they were all, every one of them, from OW. so who knows. the point is, I didn't look, I didn't ask.

of course, the sad thing is I'm reading way too much into all of this. I'm pretending any of this means something, like there is a chance still. and hopefully there is. or it could just be him being happy that life is all going his way...he's go the kids often, he's got his chick, and his wife is not longer a shrew.