I am waking up at 3am worrying about the decisions I still have to make--a new job? new home? new school for D16?
Current job has been really busy which adds to my stress level. I said no to the first place I interviewed, but have another interview on Friday.
My niece (H's oldest brother's daughter) has been emailing me and has given me the child's point of view (her parents divorced when she was younger than my D). I told her D16 seemed to be handling things so well and keeps saying I need counseling more than she does. Niece said not to believe a word she says!!!! I suggested niece talk to H (her uncle) and help him understand how much D16 needs him in her life.
Also talked to BIL and SIL about D16. They are both teachers and feel she would be better off in the same school district no matter what she says about wanting to move.
SO, I plan to look for a job close to here and not move out of this school district. (job is for ME--one I will be happy with, plus one with health benefits). That way D16 and H have a better chance of staying connected.
I am going to reconsider trying to stay in the house. H and I will have to discuss that more! I don't want to own the house, but we could postpone selling it for 2 years until D16 finishes high school. H won't be happy if I expect him to move now, but he might just have to deal with it. More and more people are telling me that I should not bear all the burden since the divorce was his idea (especially surprises me that HIS FAMILY members are telling me this).
Making one decision at a time will hopefully help my peace of mind!
I agree completely -- don't overwhelm yourself w/ more than you have to. Take it one day at a time; one decision at a time; one step at a time. And, yes, I agree that H should be shouldering A LOT more than it seems he is. Don't make this easy on him.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Mattie, I'm so glad you started a new thread. I agree keeping your DD in the same school is a good idea. Trying to make new friends and get adjusted to a new school during this period of turmoil would be hard on her. My oldest DD started her first year of college last August about 2 hours away from home. In Oct. my husband moved out. It was so hard on her. Not only was she trying to adjust to be away from home and not knowing many people she was also blindsided with the fact that her Dad wanting a divorce. She was devastated. She came home every weekend and called just about every night saying how miserable she was. She seemed to let things get to her more than she used to. She even told her Dad she couldn't believe he decided to do this, her first year of college. She said at least little sister and Mom have each other. I'm up here by myself. Youngest DD had a hard time with it, but she had all of her familar surroundings, friends, and me to help her through it. My heart just wanted to break every time I talked to oldest DD. I blame my H for her hating her first year of college. She is not going off this year. She is going to stay and go to a local community college. I know this seems to be a lot about my sitch, but I just wanted to let you know what my experiences with my DDs were.
Hopefully, your H will agree to letting you keep the house until DD graduates. I've seen this happen in several cases around here. It's always in their divorce papers, just don't make a verbal agreement. If your H is resistant to the idea, I'm sure the judge will agree with you.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I like the new thread. You need to make all the decisions for you and you D16. Don't worry about him or what he has to deal with. You need to be about you.
Well, you didn't say anything about my new pics. And, no, I haven't had too much time for my art, but will try while my daughters are at their mother. I am working on a few new poems and will post them. I know how you likw them, so keep an eye out on my thread. Maybe, I con you out of your e-mail, so I can just send them direct. LOL
TD
TwinDragon Thread #11-Dragon, flying - evaluating his world.
Hi Matilda, thanks for the heads up about your new thread. I like the title.
I agree about not having too many changes right now. Not having to move quickly will take the pressure off of you for finding a new job quickly and possibly settleing on something that won't really work for you.
Your H needs to be the one who has to make the decisions about where to live and how to finance this D, he is the one who wants it. You are entitled to what is fair, not what he thinks is fair for him.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I need to add a note about my H for he is not completely heartless! He initially "offered" me the house in the settlement so D16 could be at the same school. I immediately said no because I knew it was more house than I could handle financially. I also knew I did not want to stay in this state after D16 finishes school (I am surrounded by H's family). Others here helped me see an alternative.
New record: 4 days without talking to H. I survived and feel stronger! I did call him and leave him a message this evening due to an important message on our home phone. He did not return my call. (He is on vacation somewhere up north).
