NikkiB #18

[S.T. _I Made It!]

another food for thought to make you more confused.

I remember when my H, in the beginning of A b4 he told me he wanted a D, he was contacting OW a lot and I couldn't take the rollercoaster at the time, (this was before reading DR) and my mom said my dad did the same thing and she had to kick him out to keep her sanity.

Well, that's exactly what I did. I told H that since he cannot stop contact with OW that maybe it would be better if he moved out. Well, the next day was when I talked to a great christian friend and she asked me what my vision was. I said, well, for my H to be M to me. And she said, then your going to bite your tongue and be the best W and mother that you can be. I'm like what? I asked her about what I told him the day before and she said, well, if he moves out who will be influencing him. and if he stays home, who will be? This was all in a christian perspective mind you, but I believe it relates all the same.

So by me pushing him out the door, I was allowing him to be around worldly influence...staying at his single buddy's house who parties every weekend, or staying at our house with me GALing and all that and giving him my influence.

So after that discussion, I decided that I did allow my mom to help make my decision and that I would no longer talk to any of my family from then on while I tried to save my M. I also told H that I was wrong in trying to push him out of our lives sooner than need be and that we would love to have him in our home if he could keep all contact outside the home. As far as I could tell, he did keep it all outside. It did continue, A LOT, but I really believe it did allow me to DB and influence him in a good way and lead him to where he is now.

Now of course this might not be the best thing for you Nikki. I just want you to see my example. Of course, my own boundary was to keep contact outside the house. I knew that I could not keep him from it, so I made the decision to live with the evil as long as it didn't happen in my home. I had faith that in the end it would be done and it was. I am also very thankful that I had the strength to do that (all from God, let me tell you) because it was my H who stopped contact, not me, and not her, and not his mother (who definitely told him more than once). But this definitely has to be a choice for you that you can handle. Try not to let anyone else make this decision for you. Maybe start smaller, like him sleeping in another room, instead of bigger, like moving out, because if you end up regretting it, then it won't be as big of a regret, you know what I mean?

okay, hope your having a good week with NO bad dreams. Think as many positive thoughts during the day as possible. And did you ever change your dreams as a kid? I used to do that all the time, I used to be able to switch my dreams around and make the bad people fly out the window or something. so make those bad dreams into good dreams!