Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

I have found that most people, if unfamiliar with the MB concepts, actually agree that it is an unreasonable amount of time. (?!?)

yeah, I understand that. but the point is, he wasn't willing to commit to ANY time, right?

Your mother in law should know that, in the face of the lies her son is telling her about how he tried so hard, blah blah blah.
You sound like you actually have a positive relation with your MIL. She sounds like she would believe you. which could make a difference. It may not be "THE" difference, but many small nudges from different areas, may together keep him rolling in the positive direction.

She was felt pretty distant from me when we spoke yesterday and I am sure if I let her know that he wouldn't do the MB time, she would just see it as me grasping at straws/tattling.

H is out looking for an apartment right now.

I met for 2 hours with my counselor today (who also tried to counsel my H.) She said that J was difficult to pin down and she is really confused why he was doing this since he always spoke so highly of me, said our sex life was great, etc. and she believes this "missing" thing is something within himself and has NOTHING to do with the marriage.

One thing that we determined for ME to work on was really setting some boundaries w/my mom.

I spoke on the phone for at least an hour w/my mom and we had it out. I tried to avoid hurting her feelings, but she has very little sense of boundaries, so it is impossible to not hurt her feelings while I am breaking away.

Since J and I agreed last night to no longer listen to our parents' opinions, I can only hope that he speaks with more people like his brother who offer up different perspectives that are more balanced. And/or that he goes back to counseling so he can deal with FOO issues.