H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

post-mortem from H visit...how did I do? (seriously)

he got here after his therapy appt. I noticed his car in the driveway, but he didn't come in, I could see him on his phone and I swear my heart dropped into my stomach. I just knew he was on the phone with OW, telling her that he was going to tell me tonight it was over for good.

yes, I know I shouldn't do that, I mean, the man does work for a living, it might have been a legit call and all that. still, hard for my mind not to go there.

when he came in a few minutes later, I was upbeat and busy...ready to head to the gym. he said hi to the kids, then came into the kitchen where I was. immediately asked me where I was going on vacation. sounded wistful as he asked (me projecting?). I told him I was just starting to make plans, would let him know when things firmed up. He then asked me, quietly, if I was just done with us now. Funny, he has asked me this question many times over the past few months. the last time he did, he sounded so hopeful, like I would finally say yes and do the hard part for him. a couple of days after that (july 4), we had a good talk and I told him I wasn't ready for us to be over yet. he said the same. and that was our last R talk for many reasons.

anyway, tonight when he said that, I said that I was in the same place I had been (meaning want our M to work out), but that I can't...(started to say can't do it on my own, but stopped myself, btdt, didn't want to get into it)...ammended it to say that I need to live my life. I was upbeat when I said all of this. it was almost funny, neither of us would make eye contact. he knows he's an ass, I know he's an ass, lol.

anyway, we had some light conversation before I left. for some reason my trip to the mall with my friend came up and I told him I bought a new skirt and I was psyched...I look freaking great in it, and its a size 6, something I've tried to get back to since I had the twins. He said I looked like a 6, looked really good, and asked if I'd show him the skirt. I told him it was upstairs in my bag (ready for my nyc trip) and he asked me to model it. Like hell. but I just laughed and said maybe sometime.

as I was heading out to the gym, he told me I didn't have to leave just because he came to spend time with the kids. I told him I know, but I have stuff to do (busy busy busy and all that).

had a good w/o, went to the grocery store, came home for his last hour here. We chatted a bit, I ended up getting take-out for dinner which he shared some of. I kept everything light and we actually had some fun talk...no R talk, just goofy stuff that we always liked...in this instance, the pop culture show on vh-1 now. we said last time it was on we should get his buddy and go on it, we'd sweep we're such dorks about pop cult stuff.

put the kids to bed, and chatted a couple of more minutes, then he said, we'll, bye, but acted like he wanted to say something more, or chat some more. I didn't stop him from leaving. and maybe I'm projecting some. probably.

so did I do okay? don't mean to sound so needy, but better to you than to him!