Thanks for reaffirming that distance is all I can give. I know this at some level, but despite our problems, part of me still believes we are better off working through them together rather than apart. I am in conflict with the way to go on this as our problems are rather complex and the D threat was an attempt on my part to get her to see how self-destructive she has been and how vicious she is when I have a problem to share. I always attempt to come to her calmly and with respect, but the first shots are usually fired by her until I am in disbelief that the same woman who just wanted me to come home and spend time with her is standing in front of me at that moment. Our R/M has been very out of balance, with her attempting to maintain control over most everything while I am told the best way to handle her is to just let it "roll off my shoulders". I do not and never have wanted a D, but I also have told her that I will not accept the insults, slammed doors and alcohol abuse that she has all but rarely been truly accountable for in our life. I was wrong to handle the situation the way I did, but through all of this, she has still not taken responsibility for the hurtful things that she said before I screamed the D word. Her words are justified while I tell her there was no excuse for my own. We have a pattern, and I recognize more of it now with this time apart, but I am not sure if she will be willing to hold a mirror up to herself without intervention, and her fam/friends are quite good at enabling whatever she wants them to believe, and the cycle continues. Yet I know if I were to call and mention counseling for us or Retrouvaile, she would most likely reject it simply on the grounds that I was the one to suggest it.
