Thanks Sara- The romantic in me has already tried this many times over the years, and I have sent three emails, one "I'm sorry card", a bottle of her favorite perfume and a bouquet of flowers, as well as told her how sorry I am two more times in person. My W has never been receptive to letters in times of trouble between us. In fact, no matter whether it has been her fault or mine, I have historically been the one trying to mend things and she usually rips up my letters in my face or lays verbal insult to what I have written as she rolls her eyes and calls me names. During good times, yes, cards and letters are accepted warmly, but in bad times, she can be very downright cruel, which is where much of my own resentments towards her stem from. She tells me my intentions are anything but out of love as she lays out the guns. The worse I show her I feel, the harder she hits. This cycle began with her early in our R, as I was never this way before I was with her, but as I mentioned in my previous posts, I have become rather cruel myself (verbally) in defense of her onslaughts. Over the years, nearly all of my letters have been ripped up, emails deleted, flowers thrown out or in my face (literally) and my words twisted to the worse possible meaning. My threat of the D was an attempt to get her to recognize her own behavior and how it has affected us in every day life, in hopes she would get scared into self-reflection (I know, foolish of me indeed). She simply does not allow me to apologize, and yet repeatedly reminds me that I never do. My intentions are always assumed and I am not allowed to disagree with her even calmly or they just get worse. The fact is that once she is upset there is nothing I can do but give her "space" until she hits rock bottom with her emotions (I tell her that seems to be the only gift she accepts from me). The other half of it is that when we aren't at odds, we are intensely loving, comfortable and supportive of each other, even up until the day before she walked! It often feels like I am living with two very different women, and neither one recognizes the other exists.
