I know, I was never brave enough to implement his suggestions. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had. I'm such a nonconfrontational person. But unfortunately because of this divorce I will have to get over that in order to take care of myself and my children financially.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I think that my H and your H have very similar behaviors. They are both still with OW, but don't want our M to end. They don't want to lose us because they will never find another woman that is half the women that we are. They cannot face their own demons and that is why they are living like this and as long as we let them they will continue. They don't want to make the "wrong" decision and "regret" anything. Our H's should stop all the worrying....they already made the wrong decision and are living a life full of regret.
I don't know how much you have been following my threads but I thought this might help you. One event happened in my sitch that broke the camel's back. My H was seriously talking about coming back and spending time with me during April and May, but when I found out that he was making plans to go to OW's family reunion in June, I decided that I was done. One week after I told him it was over, he called my mom and told her that we needed to make a decision. I finally got so angry, I just laid into him and told him the truth. "You have some nerve being with OW for 8 months when you don't even have the balls to D me." I felt a lot better a few days later. It was a whole new sense of freedom and confidence. Like you, I don't want to get D either, but I don't want to be married to a lying, cheating H that could give a rat's @ss about anyone but himself. I don't think that he has it in him to change, so it's his loss. I was willing to give him a second chance, he just wasn't man enough to take it. I hope I didn't ramble on too much, just trying to help you see another side.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
here is somthing out of the book I am reading. It is talkingabout a wife but just replace that with husband (yours not me)
1. “I don’t love you anymore” Usually when someone calls me, they’re separated. But when let’s say the husband calls me, the most common complaint that he hears from his wife is “I don’t love you anymore.” The implication is that of course they have to separate. I try to help him see that most people, and in this case the wife does, have low self-esteem and that he is head-over-heels in love with her and she knows that. So therefore, she subconsciously looks down on him as being an idiot for being in love with her. He has the diagnosis that she doesn’t have any reasons for not being in love with him anymore, and sometimes she does. She’ll say, “Oh, you neglected me. You were not there for me when I needed you.” That’s a real common one. So I help him see that those are excuses and not the real reason. Because if they were the real reason, then when he said, “I’m willing to work on that. Let me help you understand why I wasn’t there one hundred percent for you.” Then she would respond positively and say, “Well, you’re going in the right direction. What can I help you do to keep moving in this direction of being there for me, of being more understanding?” She never responds positively to that, showing that’s not the real thing. She will say, “It’s too little, too late.” Well, why is it too little, too late? That’s not really what’s going on. What’s really going on is since he’s head-over-heels in love with her, she has lost respect for him. She has an ego problem, and she can’t conquer her ego problem by saying to herself, “I’m so proud of myself that I conquered this idiot.” Most of the time, the man sees it and begins to move in a more independent direction. Like I said exchange wife for husband.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I agree Hopeless - the more bad behavior they exhibit, the less likely we'll want them around..
Hubby - that's interesting- Well..he does say he loves me but his actions are obviously telling a whole different story. Had the discussion about how he thought I was having an affair since I was checked out of the marriage. Too bad I didn't.. It would've been more fun... KIDDING..ONLY KIDDING...
I think I'm going to barf.. intervention currently in process.. Obviously, I wasn't invited..
ya no telling how he is going to take it. One thing you might want to try is agreeing with HIS FEELINGS. Don't agree or disagree with what the family might have said. Agreeing with HIS FEELINGS will take you off his "piss off at" list
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know my W hated everybody telling her that she was making a bad decision. Her answer to everyone is that they have not walked in her shoes and have no right to judge her. If your H is anything like my W he will not be in a happy mood when he gets home. He probably won't talk much about the convo either. That is how my W has been. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Or....say, "Yes, I can imagine that must feel very uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that."
If you did cause the intervention.
And he tries to guilt-trip you, say, "I'm sorry you FEEL that way, I'm sure others must have FELT that way when put on the spot, but you know what they've FOUND? They discovered that it's healthy to speak about these things in an open forum."
Or..."I don't care?"
Olive, what's he going to do?
Move out? Ahem...HE's TOO SPINELESS to do that.
Divorce you? Errr...HE's TOO SPINELES to do that, too.
Have an affair? Err....he's doing that.
Leave you? Err...you asked him to that, so you might get what you want.
