What makes you think that she has been thinking about this before I told her I wanted a D? I was under the impression from reading the book that the goals have to do with our relationship as well? Though I know how wrong I was, it happened in the heat of an argument So you know how bad this sounds? ...so why not assume she could be gone out of fear of it happening again or just being plain hurt? OK, so why would she come back? Our R/M has had a pattern of one of us bailing when the argument gets out of hand. It started as her pattern years ago, but I began to adopt it as well. I believe she does mean it though, in the past she has usually been back much sooner. I am hoping that this could be a time for us to cleanse the old and begin anew. Thsi may be, but I think it is going to be better for you if it takes a while. You really, really, need to think this through, and understand that being in an arguement isn't a free pass to say unacceptable things that you have agreed you wouldn't say.
I could be wrong, but I think everything you've said here supports my thinking. It happened on the heat of an arguement, and not the first time. She's bailed before. So she's been thinking about to do 'the next time', this time. If this was the first time anything like this had happened it might be quick, but the cumulative damage has been done, and it is going to take some healing.
