I hate to be a harsh voice in building you up but anyway.....
I know that you know all this but you are not helpless in the situation.... there are ways to survive well.... notice I didn't say flourish... but you won't be poor and destitute either.
The choices that you are allowing your H to make reguarding your D11 are NOT healthy. And not at all worth keeping peace or allowing her the consitancy of her "known" home. If that home is not giving her the guidance she needs.... then how much of a home can it be? Amy, you are way too smart and entirely too resourceful to allow this to go on dear. So here's the striking of the match... hoping it sparks a fire under you a$$.... to get something going that REALLY is best for all of you.
And as far as H is concerned.... well, he should have seen it coming the first time he made the poor choice of picking up a bottle in his D presence or allowed her a freedom that she is not capable of handling, just to make it smoother. So at the moment .... to hell with H.... your D wellbeing is at stake.
~lost
I have addressed this issue here as well as with my husband as much as I am able to at this time.
