Hey, my H is 5 years younger than me. I don't think age has anything to do with it, IMHO.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm afraid my wife will some day have her d*amn ephinany and I'll be with someone else, kids hate her or are indifferent towards her or somethin', for all of what she has done and caused to happen. All this pain. Then what? How much is that gonna suck for her if that should happen? How much? I wonder about that. To maybe wake up someday and go, "Oh My God, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?!?!?! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH etc. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" I don't know, but I think that that, no offense for what we are all going thru, is going to make our struggle, p-a-l-e in comparison. I think that that would be compariable to finding out that there really is a hell and that your going to it.
I know it sux when you try so hard to reconcile with someone that keeps disrespecting you. My wife is a chronic liar and secretive as well. She also has complete disdain for me since seeing this other guy who she doesn't want to give up. She treats him like her husband. I got the D papers the other day and am trying to move on. Not easy though. Keep it up.
OK. I was talking with a coworker last nite about my sitch and work. He's another that helped me thru this. We talked a bit about our students, I'm an instructor. Specifically students who come from a specific socioeconomic backgroud. Outside of work, I work within this socioeconomic environment. It's dysfunctional to say the least. No dad's, no money, shootings, gangs, etc. And you know what I'm talking about. I've been hammered at work because of these kids having issues with me. Interesting, as I grew up, to a certain degree although not entirely, just like them, minus the gangs and jail and shootings. But maybe I get hammered cause I know where they come from. Cause I will confront them. I will challange thier thought processes, thier antisocial, behavior, etc. Their Expectations. In the end, most of these guys turnaround. And I think it's because, for most of them, it's the first time someone has challenged them to do the right thing, to believe in them, to teach them to believe in themselves, to let them know that they are worth something. I'm telling you this because this is where I think my wife's head, spirit, attitude whatever is also. She's never had someone believe in her, love her, stick out 15 years of hell with her. That again is what I mean by expectations and her upbringing. These concepts are friggin' alien to her environment. They might say it, but they don't believe it. Too many generations of, for a lack of better words, of failure. Why hate me? Cause my sorry a*ss fell into the same trap. That, I think is why she hates me. Her knight in shining armor became just like everybody else she ever knew. I didn't set boundaries, I didn't protect her, I wasn't there for her, I was to busy making a career, I got fat, I got weak, etc. I failed her. (Come on girls, what do you think of that? Is that maybe part of the love that can be lost for your guy?) Yup, I failed her. I became a pansy just like all the other men who have ever been in her life, ex BF, dad, g'pa, brothers, etc. Believe you me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel that pain, that I can't but hate(?) myself for failing my Eve, my ezer kenegdo.
