Had a 3 hour R talk initiated by H last night. Nothing new really. He won't stop the A until he sees me making changes. Next breath - yes, I'm seeing some changes and effort to change.. Huh? Doesn't want D but can't see us getting better in our M... We are great friends, etc. Same stuff just not talked about for a while. I was a mess.. H was a mess..
Where do I start?
He won't stop affair until you change...hmmm....can I kick him in the b@lls? What freakin' changes? This pisses me off. Now I'm steaming mad. Can't Mr Can't Keep his D*ck in his Pants realize that he is destroying trust and intimacy in this relationship, and that you ability to really open up to him is completely shattered by this affair of his? So it's a competition, Olive? If you pass the test, he drops the OW?
F*ck him and f*ck the horse he rode in on.
Yes -- we know he doesn't want a divorce. He's too spineless to divorce you or leave the house. He just wants to be able to have his cake and eat it, too. He should move to France, where it's socially acceptable to have a wife, children AND a mistress.
He can't see you getting better in your marriage? Of course not. He's in a MLC and in an affair. They are always negative about the marriage. He's actually not really giving your marriage that much thought. In fact, he's trying to hamstring any efforts at saving your marriage by having an affair.
That's what taking risks is all about. You have faith and hope. And in the trying and doing, things start to get "unstuck".
Honey -- here are my thoughts.
Let's take a complete change in persepective.
Ready?
STOP trying to save you marriage. Your marriage is dead. It's a no-win situation. The only way out of this impasse is to start envisioning in you mind a happy future without him. He's not worthy of you. He's a very confused and sick man.
Keep up the GAL activities up for YOU and, perhaps, for that lucky guy who gets to be your next husband. That lucky guy might be MC, Husband, me or a plethora of worthier men ;-)
That next guy in your life might happen be the man who your husband turns into. You just don't want the man you are married to now. He's in a MLC and is moving in a fog. He's a narcissist and a shameless philanderer. You married husband 1.0. He's upgraded him self to version 2.0. You've now got version 2.0 and it really sucks: to many bugs. In fact husband 1.0 was really husband 2.0 in the making. The software has a fundamental defect.
Even if you change into the exact person your husband wants, and he leaves OW -- do you really want to be married to husband 2.0? The scumbag who screwed other women so he could turn the great and beautiful Olive into a Stepford Wife?
Honey...you ARE changing. You are going to make a quantum leap forward. You are going to surprise yourself.
You husband needs a whole new operating system. He needs a clean wipe, a new motherboard and new software. He needs to grow up and become a real man. He's now a boy. Don't settle for less than version 3.0.
