Well, I guess I'm going to go find an apartment now. That should be fun. I'm going to try to find a nice place with a pool for S4 to play in, he LOVES the water. He'll like having his own room instead of a guest bedroom in my parents' house. I never thought I'd be in an apartment again in my life, but there are worse things. I actually like the smaller space, less to clean.
We always had a dream of taking him to Hawaii to play in the ocean. Guess it'll just be me and him when we go now. It'll still be fun. I always liked Hawaii, but I really grew to love it with my wife. She spent part of her life there and had a real love for it, more than just as a tourist, and she shared that with me, and I grew to feel the same way. I'll never be able to go there again without thinking of those good times. Well, I guess it's better to think of good times than bad if you're in paradise.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
You have a really good attitude about all of this. Which I'm sure helps.
I'm not there yet. I'm not to the point that if my marriage is going to end I'm okay. I haven't been doing this as long as you I guess. Time and patience. I hear that alot, but the last couple days I've seen several people saying their spouses are filing or have filed. Just makes me wonder.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
Well, that's the point I think, you can't control what your spouse does. It is really sad that my W thinks Divorce is the only way. Instead of solving our problems, it'll make them permanant and make our lives worse (at least for a while) and will make S4's life worse forever (regardless of how we treat each other). Where if we at least worked on things a LITTLE bit, we could at least determine together if we should stay together or split up. At least that way, we'd have some common ground to go from, but she won't even do that, and that's her choice.
So, you either let this defeat you, or you work through it the best you can and pray that God will support you in your hour(s) of need. Fortunately I have a great family - that helps a lot. My wife has a great family too, so that will help her.
Today is our anniversary - 11 years. Unbelievable to me that it's over. It's so surreal - I never thought we'd be in this situation and the fact that my wife is doing this is even more surreal to me. She's such a sweet girl and to see her SO mad and so determined to end our marriage is a bit scary to me. I really hope she gets what she's looking for. Truly all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I hope this makes her happy.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
JR I'm glad you're able to keep the positive spin on it. With everything going on with me I just can't get there right now. I'm actually ashamed of my W at this point. Ashamed that she is selfish enough to not put the children first in the whole thing. You've grown a lot more than I have I guess. That will serve you well in the years to come.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Yeah I don't want this to defeat me. I'm just having a really hard time accepting that this could be what he wants. He's been thru it once before and I just find it so hard to believe he wants to do it again with 2 more kids involved. So I'm just having trouble getting to the point that if this is what he wants I'm going to be fine. I mean I know at some point I will but...
And today being your anniversary. Now see I'm so not to the point that I'd be okay with that. My 10 is coming up next month and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Anyway keep that positive spirit going and all will be okay. I still have some growing to do so I'll work on that. And pray ALOT. Course I'm already doing that.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
It comes from breaking out of the co-dependent cycle. I HAD to be with my wife to be happy I thought. So, I smothered her, and I did it at the worst time, when she needed some space.
Now, I would LOVE to stay with my wife and work on our marriage, I would LOVE for my son to have his family intact, that would be a dream come true right now. But, I don't have to be with her to be happy. I truly believe we could make our R happier than it ever was, but she can't take the chance. The fear is too great that things will be like they were before. Nothing I do can change that, she has seen the changes in me and isn't impressed, so I'm not worrying about it anymore.
There is no happy ending to these divorces, so don't get the idea that I'm happy about this or anything, but it doesn't have to ruin your life. We do whatever we can to TRY to make it not ruin our kids' lives, but they're going to struggle, so we just have to be there for them. It's a sad situation no doubt. This could all be averted, but my wife needs to win, so she can win! she feels like I never let her win in our relationship, and I want her to win. If this is what she needs to be happy, then I'm there for her. Just not looking forward to all the lawyer crap. That will be miserable.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
come on now... you know your wife better than to say you hope this makes her happy. she may be operating out of anger or frustration or maybe even spite but seeing that her family is going to be permantly severed... surely cannot make her happy.
I will have to read up on your sitch... I confess I don't know the whole story. But i saw that you wrote that your w is such a sweet girl.... so I can see that you aren't bitter.... just wanted to remind you that you can speak life or death to your circumstances and it colors the way you deal them.
Stay positive JR.... keep your chin up!:)
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Why else would she go through a divorce if it won't make her happy? She won't share with me why she's doing it, so I have to assume it'll make her feel better, right? I haven't cheated on her, I've never beat her up. I made some mistakes, some pretty big with regards to how I treated her, but nothing that deserves divorce. So, she MUST have a sense of happiness doing this, why else would she do it?
I'm not giving up, believe me, it's not like that. I'm just in my reality, and that is divorce. Since I can't control the situation, I can only control me, I'm going to stay positive about myself, do whatever I can to keep S4 protected from this mess, and get through this the best I can.
I have put this all in God's hands, and if he wants to keep my family together, we'll get a miracle. But even God can't FORCE my wife to stay in a marriage where she's so unhappy. He can't force her to work on it, and he can't make her be attracted to me again, so I continue to do what I can for me and S4 and get myself right with Him, and hope my wife is doing the same.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I really feel bad that she can't even come talk to me, not even a little bit just to shoot the breeze, I guess even that is too much for her - I don't get it but we'll hope things can open up one of these days. I'd like her to see she doesn't have to be scared of me. I feel REALLY badly that she thinks she has to be scared, that really sucks.
Anyway, less than 3 weeks to go...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
