meant to add, I took the kids to see ratatouille the other week and they loved it! I know mine are younger than most of yours, but my older nieces liked it, too. it was far more watchable than I had expected it to be. just thought I'd throw that out there since you mentioned movie.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Theoden: Not sure where you came from, but I have learned a great deal from your posts on this thread and others. Thanks a million for your detailed insight all around. #7 is the key, the lynchpin to all of this. I am getting darn close. They key to this is significant GAL activities (as you say in #8).
Regarding abandoning running in favor of another physical activity, I cannot do that. It is passion for me. I love it. I weigh 200 pounds, but I still can run 10 miles without stopping or needing water. It's what I love to do. Agree 100% that it just gives me time to ruminate. But it also gives me time to reflect on what I am doing well, and what I need to do more of. It gives me clarity. I don't get mad. Indeed, I see this situation as a battle that I am in training for. Sounds weird, but every time I run I hear the "Rocky" themes in my head (Gonna Fly Now and Eye of the Tiger) and it's my battle cry. Sometimes I punch the air as I run. I am fighting for what is right. I have the Eye of the Tiger. Thanks for the advice, but running works for me, and it's all GOOD! This is a battle that I WILL win. Like Apollo Creed says: Eye of the Tiger: Passion to achieve a goal. I have it. (BTW, the goal is self-improvement and independence, not saving the marriage. That is of secondary concern.)
Regarding # 15 (can't believe you offered me all of this great stuff!!): I go to church every Sunday. And I pray not for me, or for us. I pray only for her. I will be able to take care of myself. I will survive, with or without her.
Husband: I have corresponded with the OM's wife in the past (email and IM). She says his sweating as awful, and a huge turn-off. Very high yuck factor.
Agree that I cannot give her anything to talk to him about. I don't think she will consciously come to my defense. But it may be a subconscious reaction. Regardless, I have confidence that I am moving in the right direction.
Thanks to both of you for your support. I feel better now. The wine helps, too...
morgan: Thanks, I have been reading about your situation as well. The middle kid has seen it, and probably would not mind seeing it again. So it's a good possibility. Thanks for the advice. I don't want to fall asleep...
Well, in case anybody is keeping score... as of 10:55PM, she has not yet called in to say "hello" or "goodnight" to the kids. At this late hour, she will not likely call.
I asked the oldest if she told him she was going out of town. He said, "No." So she left town telling only me, then has not yet called to say "Hello" or "Goodnight" to the kids. Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the Mother of the Year...
I travel a lot for work, and these are the exact things that she gets mad at me for doing (or not doing). Further proof that this is all about her. She is the most important person involved in her juvenile activity, and nobody else matters. At least nobody who has the same last name as her... We all know that he matters.
It's still very painful knowing that very soon she will be naked in bed with another man... ouch
Does it make you happy thinking about your spouses naked with other people? If it does than keep those thoughts in your head. If not why would you want to think about It.? This is just like snooping. You know it will not make you feel better so don't do it. IT IS HARD but don’t think about it. OK I am going to help you here. WHEN EVER this thought comes in your head think about me, Theo and MC NAKED riding in Montana in my jeep with out boobs bouncing. OK got that picture. I will guarantee once you have this image burned into your head if you think about it you will smile.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yeah, thanks for the insight H. As you say, it's difficult to not think about it. The lies, broken promises, the betrayal... it all makes it difficult to shake those thoughts. Not sure the visual you gave will make me smile... but thanks for the idea. It's a hoot.
We are doing what is best for our families, the right thing, the difficult thing, the thing that involves effort and sacrifice. We will be rewarded. Whether our current spouses are with us or not, if we persevere, we will prevail.
And we can prevail, we can survive, we can be happy on our own, without our current spouses. We must never forget this.
I Don’t know how long you have been going through this and I know you have probably heard this before but IT DOES GET EASYIER. You will have good days and bad days. But during this journey it starts to not hurt as much. Then something happens and it feels like the first day you found out. Are you reading the book? (The image was more for Yoyo) but ya get the point.I can't say I know how you feel thinking about what is happening at any given moment but the last time I saw my wife naked was with another man. Try getting that image out of your head.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I was home with the kids when she got home yesterday. I had no idea exactly what time she was landing, so I wasn't able to time out our absence from the home. I was cordial, not at all what she expected, I am sure (she expected a more passive-aggressive reaction, I imagine). Ended up taking the middle kid to the amusement park, then out to dinner. We had a great time, and he thanked me many times.
When we spoke this morning, I subconsciously noticed that I didn't seem to feel the same way about her. Not sure I can put my finger on it, but it seems that her little trip to see her lover has allowed me to build some emotional distance from her. I no longer feel like i need her. It's more like I would like her in my life (assuming she makes some changes), but if she is not, well... I guess I will go on without her. Reserved indifference is a good description.
I realize that this is where the fun starts, because my attitude will be reflected more and more in my daily behavior, and my approach toward her. Next step is continue GAL activities, and see what happens.
Husband - Thanks for the encouragement.
Theoden- The music that I like to listen to always seems to remind me of my wife. So not tunes for me. Maybe I will download some podcasts of radio shows or lectures, etc.... Thanks for the support!
