Hey Atlas -- sorry about not getting back to you lately!
Okay, I'm just going into this fresh out of reading your last post and nothing more. I don't know if my thoughts, advice, etc, will be good or not, but I guess it will be my gut 2 cents nonetheless. I hope others like Nomo will stop in and offer theirs.
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S told me this weekend that he has a new daddy.
Okay, that just pisses me right the #&%$ off! I'm just wondering where S4 got that notion. Has he been spending that much time with this OM to consider this dirtbag his daddy, or is this something that W has told him? When my kids are with W, they've been staying at OM's house for a little while now (from what I understand), and they have NEVER put OM in this kind of light. I feel awful for your S right now, because the likelihood of this R with OM lasting is slim to none. He shouldn't be subject to ideas like that unless time has tested the R and shown that it could be there for the long haul. Again, I'm wondering where S4 gets that thought. BTW, how did you respond to that? (((Atlas))) I'm sorry you had to hear that from your S. He's just so innocent, and that makes it so much harder...
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I’m completely DB’ing with W, but I’m falling apart outside of her presence. I weighed 178 when this started 3 weeks ago and I’m now down to 160. I am working out much more, but I can’t eat, sleep, and fell like crap. That is without the emotions even calculated in.
I completely understand -- I really do! You are constantly subjected to these awful thoughts and feelings, and they just twist your stomach into knots. It literally makes you queezy. However, I know it is hard to believe that it will get any better right now, esp given the circumstances, but you must trust and know that it will. Who knows when or how, but one day you'll realize that you can and will get through this and be happy again, with or without her. It took me a long time, and several seperate heavy grieving periods spread out a couple months apart from each other, but I finally made it. I know that, no matter what happens, you will survive this and be stronger because of it, and esp because of the way you will have handled it. Whatever you do, just make sure you can live with yourself and sleep well at night.
Okay, now regarding the atty sitch.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, simply because I don't know what seasoned DBers would say to this. I think that having the papers pre-written up is a wise decision at this point. But that is as far as it should go. I wouldn't present them to her, tell her about them, threaten/intimidate her with them, etc, AT ALL until it is absolutely imperative (and if/when that time comes, DEFINITELY don't present them in a threatening or intimidating manner -- just do so matter-of-factly and in a calm and collected demeanor). I think you've made a decent case for why you believe what you do regarding what should happen in the case a D is filed.
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My plan is to right this up, keep DB’ing, if nothing begins to change, or her behaviors continue down the path she has chosen and next time she throws it in my face, I pull them out and tell her what I’ve agreed to.
I'm glad you have decided to keep DBing in light of recent events and the current sitch. However, make sure you really set a strong breaking point FOR YOU for when you will have no choice but to present her with the papers. I say this because once you present her with this write-up, it is difficult to predict in what direction this thing will go. You need to be 100% sure that you are ready to proceed with a D if that is what W responds with. I know you're not filing, but you're definitely holding the ball out to her and saying, "Here you go -- Take the ball and shoot it!" Can you live with taking the action that may deliver this message and cause her to follow through? Again, I think it is a smart thing to have it all written up, but personally I might really wait until she files. I don't see how it could harm your sitch to wait until then. Of course, this is just me personally. I'd like to hear from others on this.
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I’ve lost my patience and cool, she is leaving me with no choice. I can’t keep paying for everything while she plays around with other men.
I hear you, Atlas. It is a tough position to be in, and she shouldn't expect you to. Maybe now is the time to set a boundary on what you are willing to help her with (i.e. things that affect your S4). Brainstorm on what these types of things will be, jot them down, and maybe the next time she makes ugly, throws something in your face, etc, you can present her with this (vs. proposed D papers). Again, if you do this you should do so in a calm and collected demeanor, and show her that you are being adult about this and that this is what you feel is necessary in regard to your best interests. No matter what kind of alien spew she projects toward you, remain steady, unphased, and consistent with your feelings regarding what is in your best interests. Show her a man who is strong and who is being guided by reason vs. emotion (ever read Thomas Paine's "The Age of Reason"?).
"And that's all I've got ta say about THAT." -- Forrest Gump
Seriously though, I hope that helps, my friend. I'm really sorry for where you're at and how you're feeling. You will have better and brighter days!
